Hollywood Career Coach Advises Horror-Trapped Writer and Bored DWTS Wife

I hope my husband Cha-Cha-will cheat

Dear Remy,

Earlier this year, my husband received a phone call that every star dreams of.

No – not to become the next James Bond, perform at the Super Bowl, or sing with Elmo on Sesame Street.

He was asked to be on Dancing with the Stars.

Naturally, he’s super excited about it. He’s had DWTS on his visualization board for years and hopes it will lead to better acting roles. Plus, he got his start performing on cruise ships and has often said how much he misses dressing up in Lycra every day.

The twist is: I hope he cheats on me with his dance partner. Our friends have been teasing me that he might run off with his beautiful date. And the tabloids have been rubbing their hands with glee as they print articles about how every DWTS spouse should worry about staying faithful. But everyone would be shocked if they knew the truth.

Because: I would love it if he started an affair. My husband looks at me in most of his social interactions and – while I often go out with my girlfriends – he haunts our house like Casper, a friendless ghost. I wish someone else would take him away from me for a while so I could have some precious “me time.”

So while I should be praying he gets a dance partner who isn’t his type, I’m really hoping she’s blonde and has a lisp (he’s been in love with Kelly Ripa forever). And while most wives would desperately like their husbands to engage in sexless, comedy dances, I hope they’ll immediately dance a sensual rumba with him. Lots of skin-to-skin contact. Feet everywhere.

Remy, these thoughts are tormenting me. I didn’t realize I wanted to get rid of my husband so badly. Is it time to evaluate my marriage?

Bored of connecting to WiFi.

Dear Wi-Fi Bored,

Your letter reveals a complex mix of emotions. On the one hand, you yearn for space and independence. On the other, you may crave the thrill of jealousy—a feeling that can add a spark to a relationship. Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, suggests that jealousy can sometimes be an aphrodisiac, making our partners seem more desirable. And it’s a lot cheaper than oysters, so everyone wins.

Encouraging your husband to take up a hobby or sport can help him build a more independent social life. It’s not just about filling his time, but helping him become more self-sufficient and socially fulfilled, which can ultimately make him more interesting to you.

What activities has he enjoyed in the past or been interested in? Could he take up brewing beer, join a hiking group, or reconnect with old friends? The goal is to help him find joy and connection outside of your relationship, which can give you both some much-needed space. It can also improve his mental health and self-esteem, making your time together more fulfilling.

And know that your problem is not uncommon. There has been a lot of talk in the past few years about how difficult male friendships are and how much wives and girlfriends are counting on them to overcome them. But all is not lost: social groups are being created for this very reason, and your husband should take an interest in them. Making friends as an adult may seem more difficult than when he first did it in school, but at least there is no additional embarrassment associated with the awkwardness and inherited clothes that accompanied growing up..

How might your relationship change if he became more socially self-sufficient? Is this really about him wanting you to cheat, or is it about finding balance in your marriage and reigniting the spark?

With syncopation,

Remy

Horror, Horror… of My Career

Dear Remy,

Do you think it’s possible to escape from your niche?

I’m a horror writer, and like many of my characters, I desperately want to escape. But instead of being locked in a coffin underground or in a serial killer’s attic, I want to escape the box I seem to be in.

I fell into the horror genre, but I wouldn’t mind saying I’m good at it. Really good. Thinking of a horrifying way to kill someone. I’m sure I can improve on it, and then add the icing on the cake (they watch their own death on multiple screens or the killer plans to steal their identity, starting with their face. See?). Blood, gore, and darkness are just my skills.

The problem is this: I am becoming afraid of myself. It is disturbing what is inside me that has given rise to so many bloody, phlegmy, pus-filled scenes. I have written characters who are driven by evil and the need to hurt others – and I have enjoyed it. What does that say about me?

I thought about branching out into other genres, but every time I try to write a script that’s beyond my capabilities, horror creeps in. I tried to write a river adventure centered around a family of singing otters that Pixar would have loved, but the amphibian dynasty drifted into the swamp and was eaten one by one by vengeful crocodiles. Then my Sondheim-esque musical about a budding romance during Prohibition slowly fell apart when I realized my protagonist was an android pretending to be human. And when I tried to write a gentle family drama, I made it to the end credits before I realized I’d made them all incestuous.

I’ve spent so much time in this specialty that I fear my brain is wired that way now. Remy, is there any hope for me outside the horrorsphere?

Your,

Fried in horror

Dear Horror Fried,

It’s fascinating how our creative minds can get so wonderfully tangled up in the webs we weave. The good news is that your skills in horror can actually enhance other genres. Have you ever considered that “Sweeney Todd” is basically a serial killer musical? Or that “Scream” combines teen drama with thrills? Even Paul McCartney’s “Frog Song” has a touch of surrealism. What I’m saying is: don’t blame yourself for bringing a touch of the macabre everywhere you go. Horror can exist in other genres.

Instead of fighting your horror instincts, why not channel them into something new? Can you create a romantic comedy with dark undertones where the protagonist’s biggest fear is vulnerability, not vampires? How about a sci-fi epic where the horror elements emphasize the unknown aspects of space, not alien guts? And if you’re called to write for kids, try again. Your otter family may be half-digested down a crocodile’s throat, but what about writing a horror movie for kids? Call Tim Burton, if you have him in your contacts.

Maybe trying to “rewire” your thinking is the wrong way to go about it. Instead, think of yourself as starting over with a new genre. Once you get over that hurdle, you can start treating horror like a spice that can add flavor to any dish. What kind of story would you tell if you sprinkled just a pinch of it? The goal isn’t to escape your niche, but to expand it. How can your unique perspective bring fresh twists to other genres?

With gratitude in creative fusion,

Remy

My parents keep bombarding my videos with photos

Dear Remy,

It all started as a joke.

When I got my first lead role, my parents were so excited that I talked the director into giving them cameos. That was a great feeling – they’ve always been my biggest cheerleaders, and having them be a part of my journey was really special. They were like little kids on set – my mom would flirt with the runners, and my dad would sit in the kit shop all day, going crazy over filming equipment. To him, cameramen were like superheroes.

Then, at the next big casting call, my parents assumed they’d get cameos again. My mom contacted my agent (they’d bonded over a chicken recipe from Marry Me years ago) to get filming dates and immediately booked a party the day before. I agreed because it was cool to have them on set for the first time, and my dad only broke one lens cap.

But Remy, this is crossing the line. They’ve been with me on every single one of my movies, and I’m afraid I’m going to be the laughing stock of Hollywood. What if everyone thinks I’m a six-foot-tall toddler who needs Mom and Dad’s security blanket for every role? That Mom brings me cookies so I can get a good grip? And Dad has a ball and a bat handy if I need a distraction in the trailer?

Also, will this limit the roles I can sign up for? People definitely won’t want me for a steamy thriller or a tense two-man movie like Here you are Leo Grande What if they think I’m coming with my parents as part of a package deal?

I don’t want to hurt their feelings – they’re decent, kind people – but I need to find a way to gently comfort them and cut the metaphorical umbilical cord.

Remy – How to Break Up with Your Parents?

Your,

Too old to adopt

Dear Too Old To Be Adopted,

Ah, the sweet, suffocating embrace of parental love! It’s heartwarming and slightly claustrophobic. But there’s no need to go all Macauley Culkin just yet. Instead, it sounds like it’s time for a gentle intervention.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you love them any less. How about creating special moments to celebrate your career that don’t involve being on set? Maybe throw them a private screening party when your films premiere, giving them a VIP experience without disrupting your work life. Or maybe get them involved in behind-the-scenes activities that don’t interfere with production, like hosting fan events?

Another idea is to give them special roles that acknowledge their support but don’t require them to be physically present on set. Could they be your “official” social media photographers, capturing the moments of premieres and events? Or could they help run your personal blog, sharing stories and updates from your career? If they know the Dewey Decimal System, they could even be your archivists, keeping records of when your name appears in print.

What would an honest conversation look like, in which you express your gratitude but also your need for professional independence? Could you present it as a step towards your own growth as an actor, emphasizing how their support can evolve?

And if you need a cookie in the middle of a difficult photoshoot, you can always use Postmates.

Yours in unfettered apron springs,

Remy

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Remy Blumenfeld is a seasoned television producer and founder of Vitality Guru, which offers business and career coaching for high-performing media professionals. For inquiries, please contact [email protected].

Questions edited by Sarah Mills.