6 Little Things Men Wish Women Would Do More Often in Relationships, According to Psychology

As a relationship coach, I was curious about what men wanted women to do more of in their relationships, so I asked men what they wanted most from the women they were in a relationship with or were seeing regularly, beyond lots of physical intimacy.

If you’ve ever wondered what you can do to make your man feel loved, what you’re thinking may not hit the nail on the head. Their answers surprised me, so I’m sharing them with you.

6 Things Men Wish Women Would Do More Often in Relationships, According to Psychology:

1. Give them the option not to be physically close

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Interestingly, while physical touch was a theme for all the guys, the option of cuddling was also important. Men love being physically close, but they also want to make sure they can tell their partner they can’t or don’t want to and that everything will be okay. So accept that sometimes your guy might just say “no.” Maybe he’ll rub your feet instead.

2. Help them feel like they don’t have to do everything you want them to do

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Aka Mission Creepy. It’s a term I’d never heard of before, but all the guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them. The definition of Mission Creepy is “a gradual change in objectives during a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment.”

In relation to relationships, mission creep refers to the change that occurs over time when a man is obligated to do whatever his woman wants. Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Spending time with her friends instead of him because she thinks they are idiots. No more martinis because they make her act stupid.

Rules. Rules that didn’t exist at the beginning of the relationship—but slowly crept in.

Here are the solutions proposed by the man:

Manage the mission so that both of you are satisfied with how it turns out.
Give your man one weekend a month where he can do whatever he wants (mostly).

Be honest with yourself. Is there a mission statement emerging in your relationship? If so, create a plan to change.

Research from Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests a symbiosis between romantic and platonic relationships, suggesting that one can benefit the other. For example, marital conflict can trigger unhealthy changes in cortisol levels, but this harm is buffered when spouses feel they have adequate social support outside of the marriage.

3. Remind him that he is special

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Our lives are chaotic, crowded and exhausting. At the end of the day, who wants to spend more energy than necessary?

But think about it. Think about how wonderful it would be if your partner brought you flowers, planned a night out, or told you you were beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?

Do the same with your partner. One guy suggested you plan a weekend getaway. Or book and pay for a room. Maybe plan something he’d like to do with you. Make it all about him.

Another guy said, “Ask if I’d like a beer. Or if I’d like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they’re tuned in to the smaller things in life that make me happy.”

Scientists at the American Psychological Association have found that using words of affirmation in relationships strengthens communication between partners. You show your partner that you notice and appreciate them. When your partner feels appreciated, they are likely to experience deeper satisfaction with themselves and the relationship.

4. Let him be friends with other women

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This one is simple. Your guy had girlfriends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his friends. Why, if he’s in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?

So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to be deeply committed and considerate. Let him have friends where he can be himself, where he has nothing to prove.

The study found that “having supportive friendships in old age was a stronger predictor of well-being than having strong family ties.” What’s more, we tend to be happier when we have at least a few good friends outside of our relationship, perhaps because we don’t rely solely on our spouse for emotional support.

5. Think before you react negatively

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One guy said, “Take a minute or two to think about how you respond to a comment that they might find negative and discuss how they feel rather than jumping to conclusions that will be internalized.”

That makes sense. And it’s incredibly hard! Try to stop before you react, understand where the statement is coming from, and try to respond in a productive, understanding, and respectful way.

Research from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs confirms that the benefits of being less reactive can dramatically improve the quality of all your interactions with others. This will have a significant impact on your closest relationships—including your romantic partnerships—because these are the people you interact with the most and are likely to experience all sides of you.

6. Be comfortable in your own skin

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This guy’s answer was so perfect I’ll let him say it:

“We like your dimples, your wrinkles, and no matter what you may think, we think you’re all attractive.”

Ready to give him what he wants? All of us, both men and women, really enjoy being in a relationship. And we women usually know exactly what we want, and our men do everything in their power to give it to us.

But to keep things from getting one-sided, we need to make an effort to do the same for our men. So pay attention. Try some of the things above. See what happens.

Mitzi Bockmann is a certified life and relationship coach. She has over 10 years of experience helping people find happiness in life and love.