Woman Betrayed at 56 Has Powerful Message for Those Facing a ‘Gray Divorce’

Mary Kay Bartelt, 58, once believed she had found her soulmate.

Her relationship began as a whirlwind romance marked by passion and shared interests. But the revelation of infidelity shattered everything, leaving Bartelt alone at 57, unemployed — she left her job at the suggestion of her ex — and tasked with building a completely new life. Bartelt spoke to Newsweek about her experience of divorce after 50 and what she hopes other women going through a “weak divorce” can understand about their potential for a life full of joy.

Romance, revelation

“We started dating and she really got to me,” Bartelt recalled of her ex-wife. “It happened really fast and furious, but I was so smitten that before I knew it, we were engaged and married within a year of meeting. It was a really great relationship for quite a long time.”

Bartelt and her ex-husband traveled the world, enjoyed cultural outings and spent joyful moments together, creating a life that seemed perfect. Bartelt said she even gave up her successful career in healthcare to enjoy a life of freedom and travel, at her ex’s insistence.

“She convinced me to quit my job so I could travel freely,” Bartelt said. “I had a really good job when we met, but I trusted her and our relationship.”

But beneath the surface, cracks began to appear.

“Suddenly my ex started to feel distant,” Bartelt said.

The changes were subtle at first—a quick temper, emotional distance—but they quickly escalated. Bartelt’s ex began spending more time away from home and became increasingly irritable. Despite Bartelt’s efforts to bridge the gap, things got worse.

“She was hot-headed and just wasn’t herself… I was so distraught,” Bartelt said. “My sleep started getting disrupted because I was trying so hard to please her. I was getting up at 5:30 in the morning, vacuuming and scrubbing toilets, cooking meals, doing anything I thought would make her happy.”

The truth finally came out: Bartelt’s ex had been seeing another woman for months. The revelation was devastating.

Dealing with shock

The revelation of her ex’s infidelity left Bartelt in shock and despair. Despite the pain, Bartelt initially tried to save her marriage, pushing for therapy and trying to understand where things had gone wrong. However, it became clear that the relationship could not be saved.

After quitting her job and becoming financially dependent on her ex, Bartelt faced a terrifying future—and not just because of the disintegration of her marriage. During this tumultuous time, Bartelt’s father was hit by a car, forcing her to devote time and resources to caring for him. Despite everything, Bartelt continued to seek clarity and transformation.

“I really had to completely transform myself,” Bartelt said. “Once I found out what she was doing and how terribly and disrespectfully she was treating me… It was a lot easier.”

When the truth came out, she started to get her life back.

New life at 57

After that, Bartelt made a bold decision inspired by a conversation with a friend: she would train to be a flight attendant. It was a surprising choice, especially given her previous anxiety about flying.

“At one point, I was even a little afraid of flying… Now it’s just part of the job description,” she said. “I went on training (in August 2023), six and a half weeks — and honestly, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

Bartelt’s path to becoming a flight attendant was both challenging and transformative. She attended two rigorous training sessions where she learned everything from emergency evacuation to first aid and CPR. The training was intense, but Bartelt stood out, landing a job shortly after the course.

“To say it changed my life would be an understatement,” Bartelt said. “The fact that I completed not one, but two flight attendant training courses and now I’m working in this career and loving it is nothing short of a miracle.”

The New Face of Middle Age

She spoke with psychotherapist Renee Zavislak Newsweek about the phenomenon of “gray divorces” — the growing trend of divorces among people over the age of 50. Instead of viewing these breakups as crises, Zavislak said they can be viewed as opportunities to “revisit dreams.”

“When you look at divorce after 50 through the prism of this language, it has a completely different flavor… Divorce after 50 in 2024 has a different flavor,” Zavislak said. “Both men and women over 50 look at their marriages and think, ‘No. This is not the dream.’”

The period after divorce, she said, is increasingly seen as a time of personal growth and rediscovery, rather than a time of failure or the end. That shift in attitude is leading many people, like Bartelt, to embrace new opportunities and pursue the life they want.

A Message of Hope for the “Gray Divorces”

For Bartelt, “dreaming through divorce at an early age” was the beginning of a powerful journey that proved her resilience and potential for reinvention at any age. She encourages others in similar situations not to let their past experiences define them, no matter what age they happened.

“Please, please, don’t let someone who is struggling with their own demons or projecting their unhappiness, lack of integrity, just plain awful behavior onto you… make you feel like you’re the problem,” Bartelt said. “We all have a beautiful light within us, and it’s really tragic when we allow someone with less than the best intentions to dim that light.”

Bartelt said she is optimistic about the future.

“A good friend of mine… just said to me, ‘I’m so happy my friend is back. For a long time you let her steal your shine — I’m so happy you’re back and shining,’” Bartelt said. “I can’t think of a better compliment than that.”