The Attachment Style of the Happiest Couples, According to Research

You may not believe it, but the way people behave in relationships can often be explained by understanding how our childhood attachments affect how safe or insecure we feel with others as adults. In psychology, this is known as attachment theory.

Attachment theory, a psychological model for understanding how the quality of bonds with primary caregivers influences our childhood relationships, was first developed by John Bowlby in the 1930s and 1950s and further developed by Mary Ainsley in the 1960s and 1970s.

You don’t have to be a scientist to understand attachment theory. There are basically two groups of attachment styles: secure and insecure. The majority of the population falls into the secure group, and there is only one subgroup: people with a secure attachment style.

Stan Tatkin, PhD, marriage and marital therapist, clinical assistant professor at UCLA, and founder of Psychobiological Approaches to Couples Therapy® (PACT), provides a detailed discussion of what he identifies as the three attachment styles in his book. Created for love. The three basic attachment styles in Tatkin’s model are:

Islands: people with an avoidant attachment style
Waves: people with an anxious attachment style
Anchors: people with a secure attachment style

In this case, anchors are not seen as something that weighs you down against your will, but rather as something that is helpful and grounding. Let’s break down the personality traits of people who are “anchors” with a secure attachment style.

The attachment style of the happiest couples is secure, and research tells us why:

1. People who have secure attachments value relationships

A person with a secure attachment style craves closeness, connection, and intimacy, psychology tells us. Developing, nurturing, and maintaining relationships of all kinds is something of a core value for them. Chances are, they grew up in a home where they saw positive role models of what healthy relationships look like.

2. People who have secure attachments enjoy working with others.

A person with a secure attachment type has no problems when it comes to working with other people. In the workplace, they understand team dynamics and are always willing and able to collaborate. They know when to share ideas at work and when to share feelings with their partner.

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3. Securely attached people are good at reading others

A person with a secure attachment style rarely dwells on the “what ifs” or becomes as paranoid as someone with an anxious attachment style. This is because they are adept at reading other people’s body language and microexpressions.

Reading body language is complex and difficult, and research suggests it takes practice. They tend to make other people feel comfortable, which is why they often don’t appeal to people who are avoidant or anxious.

4. Securely attached people experience healthy family dynamics

Most people with secure attachment styles come from a home where they learn to be open and honest in their relationships. There may have been other issues, but overall their upbringing was positive. This is often not the case for people with anxious or avoidant attachment styles.

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5. People who are securely attached

What is sometimes a skill that other types struggle to learn over time comes naturally to secure attachment. They are ready, willing, and able to be loved, and they are willing to open up to their partner and want that to be reciprocated. Secure attachment is, believe it or not, the most common attachment style for most people, research says.

While this person may have other issues in their romantic relationships that they need to work on, they very often enjoy a fairly straightforward path to love and commitment, provided they are in a relationship with someone who has a similar attachment style or is willing to put in the work needed to build true attachment.

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a freelance writer and editor with a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and crime topics. Her work has appeared in Fatherly, Bustle, SheKnows, Jezebel, and more.