15 Funniest Quotes From Napoleon Dynamite

Everyone has their favorite Napoleon’s Dynamite quote. Co-writer and director Jared Hess’s instant classic high school movie from 2004 has gone down in history as one of the funniest and most quotable comedies of its time, and two decades later fans still tell people to “vote for Pedro” or “bow to your sensei!”

Almost every member Napoleon’s Dynamite The cast gets a moment to shine with a funny line, but quite a few of the funniest quotes come from Jon Heder, who got a lot less than you might expect for his role as the titular disgruntled geek from Idaho. See how many of his best jokes made it into my picks for the funniest Napoleon’s Dynamite quotations.

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“Whatever I feel like doing. Oh my!”

Napoleon’s first line in the movie tells us everything we need to know about him. A fellow passenger on the school bus (which he shares with elementary school kids for some reason) politely asks what his plans are for the day, and he immediately responds as if the question embarrasses him. But then again, that’s how he answers almost every question.

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“The worst day of my life. What do you think about it?”

Once again, we have another perfect example of Napoleon’s habit of giving rude answers to simple, polite questions. This one comes from his grandmother, Carlinda (Sandy Martin, who later starred in the Pixar film Luke cast as the titular characters’ grandmother) who just wanted to know how her grandson’s day was. In his defense, though, it was kind of a shitty day for him.

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“Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I spent all day online chatting with girls”

Napoleon’s brother, Kip (Aaron Ruell, who reprised the role in the animated and largely a forgotten TV show based on a movie), does nothing to brighten his day. The awkward, 32-year-old homebody even rubs salt in the wound with an unprovoked boast about his supposed online dating success.

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“I mean, we talk online for about two hours a day. So I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.”

Kip doubles down on his online dating bragging while talking to his and Napoleon’s Uncle Rico (White Lotus Season 2 Cast member Jon Gries). Given his overly confident tone when discussing his relationship with, essentially, a pen pal, I imagine many people thought this so-called “LaFawnduh” was cheating on him. The revelation that this woman (played by Shondrella Avery) is real and ultimately accepts his proposal makes this quote even more classic.

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“Last week, Japanese scientists placed… Detonators at the bottom of Loch Ness to throw Nessie out of the water”

As a fan of magical ligers and a frequent unicorn cartoonist, it doesn’t surprise me, looking back, why Napoleon would choose to make a mock attempt to bring to the surface one of the world’s most famous cryptids, the Loch Ness Monster, for the purposes of a current events presentation. I was already on his classmates’ side when they started sniggering at his first reading, but it gets even funnier when he mentions that Scottish wizards were recruited to help protect “those who seek the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.”

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“Tina, You Fat Guy, Come to Dinner!”

While he loves fantasy creatures, Napoleon doesn’t seem to be attracted to real animals, including his family’s llama, Tina. He greets her outside with a strangely off-putting insult before making no effort to actually feed her a meal that he firmly orders her to eat.

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“Do chickens have big claws?”

Napoleon doesn’t seem too amused by chickens either, which is why I’ve always wondered why he bothered to help a local farmer herd his birds. But this guy doesn’t seem to be much of a farmer, since he can’t understand Napoleon’s question about the length of his chicken’s claws.

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“Now imagine you are weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny seahorses”

Debate (Veronica Mars to throw Tina Majorino), who becomes the object of Napoleon’s affections despite agreeing to go to the prom with Pedro (Efren Ramirez), doesn’t say much in the entire film, but she does have one memorable and rather ethereal line when she’s taking a portrait of Rico’s uncle. I can’t deny that if a photographer had given me that guidance, it probably would have been exactly what I would have needed to feel at ease.

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“I’ve already created an infinity of these at scout camp”

Napoleon’s first interaction with Deb could have gone a lot better. Things start off awkwardly when she tries to sell him her Glamour Shots business, but when she shows off her “hand-woven crafts,” he bluntly tells her he has a ton of his own, handmade, tacky keychains, much to her chagrin.

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“Your mom is going to college”

What really offends Deb enough to run off and leave “her shit” on Napoleon’s doorstep is when Kip rudely butts in for no apparent reason. Deb tells Napoleon she’s hoping to save up money for college, and his older brother shouts out a wildly absurd version of one of the oldest comebacks in the book. It’s Kip’s smug look that really sells as iconic.

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“I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not. You could drink the whole thing if you wanted to.”

Every time Napoleon tries to talk to Deb in a polite way, it ends up being an even more awkward interaction than the last. I can’t blame him for at least trying to pay someone a compliment, but you’d hope that at his age he’d be aware of how he sounds.

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“It took me, like, three hours to finish shading your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done”

Napoleon once again demonstrates his struggles with talking to the opposite sex in the most disastrous way possible during a phone call to his classmate, Trisha (Emily Kennard Dunn), who only agrees to go to the prom with Napoleon at her mother’s urging. We all know that his distasteful portrayal of her would have otherwise earned him an immediate “no,” and that apparently had something to do with her decision to rudely dump him once they got to the prom.

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“I like your sleeves. They’re really big.”

Finally, by drawing attention to the puffy sleeves of Deb’s dress, Napoleon manages to pay the woman a nice compliment, even if no one else would likely take it so kindly.

While dancing together to Alphaville’s “Forever Young,” he asks her if things are “getting really serious” between her and her partner, Pedro, to which she assures him they’re just friends. It’s one of the first signs that things might be getting serious between them, and one of the most endearing moments of this usually awkward comedy.

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“Do you think anyone wants to get roundhouse kicked in the face when I’m wearing these bad shoes? Forget it.”

Continuing his reputation for brief, scene-stealing roles in beloved comedies such as 90’s Film Classics, Office spaceor 2022 favorite horror-comedy, Blackening —Diedrich Bader as Rex, who teaches a martial arts program of his own design that Kip enrolls in. Almost every word he says in this scene is comedy gold, but I’m biased because he’s trying to sound menacing while showing off his baggy, patriotic pants.