The Psychological Reason You Can’t Get Over That One Bad Ex

Most people have that one bad ex they can’t seem to shake. Whether it’s because of a traumatic bond or the years you spent together, it’s hard to let go of a bond that meant so much to you. This can be especially upsetting when the relationship was particularly unhealthy, leaving you wondering, What is wrong with me? Why can’t I let them go?

The answer lies in our psychology. Humans naturally crave security, and sometimes that instinct can backfire on them.

Psychological Reason You Can’t Get Over That Bad Ex

Before you judge yourself too harshly, know that there is a solution. The pinnacle of relationship efficiency is a completely free, virtual event taking place from September 25-28 where you can learn healthy relationship habits you can implement immediately to feel more seen, understood, and appreciated – all you have to do is register.

In a fascinating interview for the summit, therapist Logan Cohen reveals the psychological reasons why some people can’t get over an abusive ex and motivates attendees to take the first step toward breaking free from them.

Our relationships are a key factor in our happiness, and we deserve to be loved by people who treat us well. According to research, toxic relationships make you more susceptible to substance abuse, which affects your mental health. In particular, people in toxic relationships can develop conditions like depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

When red flags feel like an invitation to come home

Cohen told host Arianna Jeret, “As for why people see red flags and dip their toes and then their knees in the water, it’s because those red flags feel like an invitation to come home.”

Deep down, you know this person’s behavior is wrong. So why stay? Cohen explains that you’ve probably had to live with something you knew was wrong your entire life. Maybe your caregivers yelled at you or put you down, or someone who was supposed to be responsible drank too much or did drugs and couldn’t take care of you. But you were a little kid and had no choice but to rely on them.

“If you’ve spent decades calming these types of people down and developing your own proficiency at managing them, what else can you do?” Cohen explains.

How to break free

In the interview, Cohen shares all sorts of constructive ideas for learning to see red flags for what they are—warnings to turn around and walk away. But the first step is healing and recognizing the cycle you’re in. Finding ways to detach and refocus on your goals, values, and what brings you joy will help.

For more insights, tools, and tips from therapists, coaches, and other thought leaders, sign up for this free relationship fitness summitSeptember 25-28, where you will have the opportunity to learn:

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The immense power of a good relationship and how it is crucial not only to your happiness, longevity, health and emotional well-being, but also to your financial well-being.
The power of deep listening, responsibility and curiosity to build exceptional relationships.
How to create healthy relationship habits you can implement immediately to feel more noticed, understood, and appreciated.
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The Relationship Fitness Summit is completely virtual and free when you sign up!

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a BA in psychology who writes about self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.