Narcissist or Jerk? 9 Signs to Look Out For

It seems like everyone is throwing the term “narcissist” around these days, especially on social media. But what are the real signs of a narcissist? The fact is, there’s a big difference between what many consider narcissistic behavior and actually suffering from a clinical case of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?

Many people exhibit narcissistic traits, says Ayanna Abrams, Ph.D., but true NPD is rare. It affects only about 5% to 6% of the population.

Is your friend, coworker, or partner really a narcissist? Or are they just being rude or selfish? Learn how to tell the difference.

Sign #1: Extreme self-esteem

Narcissists have an extremely high opinion of themselves, according to the Mayo Clinic. They may constantly brag or try to be the center of attention. But remember: Self-esteem alone is not a sign of a narcissist — it doesn’t mean the person has narcissistic personality disorder. What sets narcissists apart is the persistence of their behavior and the negative ways it tests their platonic and romantic relationships.

Sign #2: Lack of empathy

Narcissists have trouble caring about the feelings of others. They recognize these emotions intellectually, but they don’t feel them. They can seem cold, dismissive, or indifferent when others are in distress. Again, an occasional self-absorption doesn’t make someone a narcissist. People with NPD have a chronic lack of regard for the well-being of others.

Sign #3: Constant need for admiration

Narcissists crave admiration. Their self-esteem often depends on the praise of others. They will go to great lengths to ensure they are the center of attention, using achievements or material goods to garner admiration. The vulnerable narcissist, in particular, is obsessed with how others perceive them. When they feel unappreciated, they become defensive or try to manipulate others.

Sign #4: Dangerous ambition

Not all ambitious people are narcissists. But the combination of ambition and NPD can quickly become toxic. Narcissists not only want to win, they also want to be seen as better than everyone else. They often strive for success at the expense of others. They can’t tolerate competition or cooperation. Another key sign of a narcissist: Their fragile sense of self-worth means they need others to fail in order to feel validated.

Sign #5: Greatness combined with fragility

Narcissists may appear confident, but they hide a fragile ego. Criticism, even if it seems very minor, can hurt them deeply. This leads to disproportionate anger or defensiveness. The paradox of external arrogance and internal insecurity is a key sign of NPD.

Sign #6: Manipulative Behavior

The narcissist’s favorite tool is manipulation. Gaslighting, lying, undermining… they are eager to bend reality to suit their needs. These behaviors can be subtle or very obvious and serve to heighten the narcissist’s sense of superiority while simultaneously lowering the self-esteem of others. It’s more than just being rude. It’s a calculated pattern of control.

Sign #7: Lack of generosity

Narcissists often feel entitled to special treatment and are less likely to be generous. They become angry or resentful when they don’t get what they feel they deserve. This sense of entitlement can make them very demanding, as they often expect others to meet their needs without offering anything in return.

Sign #8: Materialism and status obsession

For narcissists, material goods and social status are often a measure of their worth. One study linked narcissism to conspicuous consumption, meaning that people with NPD often go for expensive, flashy items to enhance their image. This obsession with appearance can lead to shallow relationships, focused more on external validation than on true connection.

Sign #9: Controlling Behavior

Narcissists may attempt to control, gaslight, or otherwise emotionally manipulate their relationships. The abuser may isolate their partner, undermine their sense of reality, or use threats to maintain control. Narcissistic abuse is fueled by the abuser’s fragile ego and need to dominate the victim. Of course, all abusers are narcissists, but the emotional damage can be just as severe. Learn how to safely leave a narcissist.

How Therapists Diagnose NPD

Diagnosing NPD is difficult because narcissistic traits can occur on a spectrum. It is definitely not a mental illness that can be self-diagnosed.

Some people exhibit some narcissistic behavior without full-blown NPD. Other cases may go undiagnosed for the rest of their lives, even as they strain and even destroy relationships. The key is to recognize patterns of behavior over time, especially when they involve manipulation, lack of empathy, and a persistent need for admiration.

READ MORE: 7 Causes of Regret You Never Thought You’d Have

CHECK OUT OUR SOURCES

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Symptoms and Causes. Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic. April 6, 2023.

Miller JD et al. The nonlinear relationship between grandiose and vulnerable narcissism: A meta-analysis of individual data. Personality Journal. Wiley Online Library. December 3, 2021

Narcissistic personality disorder. Cleveland Clinic. Cleveland Clinic. August 3, 2023

Narcissistic personality disorder: Differential diagnosis. American Psychiatric Association. August 2019.

Cheng JT. Are narcissists resilient or vulnerable? The role of narcissism in the generation of stress-related biomarkers in response to emotional distress. Emotion. December 2013.

Urbonaviciute G. Do narcissists lack empathy? It depends. Society for Personality and Social Psychology. November 19, 2021

Burgmer P et al. I can’t feel you: how narcissism shapes empathy. Kent Academic Repository. 2021.

Brown TA et al. Ethics and personality: Empathy and narcissism as moderators of ethical decision-making among business students. Educational magazine for business. July 8, 2010.

Watts A et al. The double-edged sword of grandiose narcissism: Implications for successful and unsuccessful leadership among US presidents. Psychological ScienceOctober 2013.

Menkes J. Narcissism: The Difference Between High Achievers and Leaders. Harvard Business Review. July 4, 2012.

Bockler A et al. Social decision-making in narcissism: less generosity and more retaliation are mediated by changes in perspective taking and anger. Personality and individual differences. January 2017.

Sedikides C et al. Narcissism and conspicuous consumption. Current opinion in psychology. August 2022.

Maciantowicz O. Is narcissistic anger driven by neuroticism? The relationship between grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, neuroticism, and trait anger. Current psychology. May 10, 2018

Grabmeir J. Narcissism Linked to Aggression in Review of 437 Studies. Ohio State News. May 25, 2021.

Day NJS et al. Pathological narcissism: An analysis of interpersonal dysfunctions in intimate relationships. Personal mental health

The article 9 Signs You’re Talking to a Narcissist appeared first on Mental.