How can I make my marriage succeed?

Hi Chris,

All my friends who are married tell me I need to work on my marriage. But what does that really mean? I’m not sure I believe them. So what should I do?

Working?

Chris says,

Hi, do you work?

Most of us run our marriages on autopilot, expecting everything to just fall into place naturally. But understanding and appreciating your partner takes time and effort.

So always put each other first, be honest and trustworthy, choose friends who support you as a couple, and spend plenty of time together.

Know your goals, hopes and fears and use them to create a shared purpose.

Be as nice to each other as possible. Always be cordial to each other, even if you disagree. It’s not hard, just smile a lot, touch each other, nod or murmur to show you’re listening, pay each other gentle compliments, and do small chores for each other.

Most couples argue in a way that one wins and the other loses. Instead, work to find win-win solutions. This is easier to do if you avoid attacking each other’s issues and give yourself plenty of time to prepare for the discussion.

Try to respond to each other when one of you asks for attention. For example, listen to him complain about his bad day instead of insisting on watching your movie. It may seem like nothing, but your marriage will fall apart if you keep drifting apart.

It’s too easy to focus on the negatives about the other person and miss the positives. Like the endless little things they do that annoy you.

Happy couples learn to ignore the bad times and focus on the good. So if he’s in a bad mood one morning, don’t make a big deal out of it. Just ignore it. And when he does something nice, comment on it. Guess what? He’ll do more of the good things and less of the bad things.

Everything is much easier than you think!

All the best,

Chris