The organizer of the Sunshine Coast Queer Ball is creating a community lost in its own transformation

From a heterosexual marriage in which she spent 18 years and two children, to coming out as non-binary and undergoing prestigious surgery – it’s safe to say that it was a great journey for Zo Wilson.

And now they are hosting the first Queer Ball on the Sunshine Coast.

Zo said their coming out and subsequent transition to non-binary was a gradual process.

“Around 2019, I made friends and we became very close, and even my husband asked, ‘What’s going on here?’ “It’s very, very intense,” they said.

“I just thought I had gained a best friend.

“I decided I had found this spiritual connection with my partner and we moved around a lot with the kids, so I thought it was just me settling down and having a best friend, which was getting more and more confusing and I didn’t want to admit it.

“I was quite happy in my marriage; I didn’t think I was queer at all.

“It wasn’t until that friendship fell apart and then my marriage fell apart that I kind of allowed myself to admit that I had fallen in love with her.

“It was one of those lightbulb moments.”

Queer and non-binary

Zo said there was something else about questioning their sexuality.

They said they worked hard to suppress all questions about gender while exploring their queer selves.

Zo said later when they met Natalia’s partner, had a community and friends around them who were non-binary and trans, that they then went to their psychiatrist.

“Okay, let’s open the next box,” they said.

“I described it to the psychiatrist like I do when I look in my gender box and there’s nothing there.

“And it was really really scary considering the state of the world right now.

Zo said the internet is a wild place for queer and non-binary people right now, filled with hate, but they are distancing themselves from the toxicity by limiting their time spent on social media and having a supportive community around them.

“I have so many trans and non-binary friends now and it’s so normal that I forget it’s other people’s business.

“I think there’s a lot of misinformation about people who try them on and people who think it’s the trendiest thing.

“We are only human. It’s just part of who we are.”

Life-changing surgery.

In June, Zo underwent major gender confirmation surgery.

The surgical top changes the shape of chest structures, such as breast tissue and nipples, to match the patient’s gender identity.

In Zo’s case, the surgery de-feminized her upper body.

“Even as an adult who had children, breastfed and went through all of this, I was required by law to see a psychiatrist to make sure I was mentally healthy in order to make a decision.

“As for the breasts disappearing, it was just life-changing.

“I’m really glad I did it. I had a great surgeon, great care afterwards and great support from the community.”

Binary baked

Zo said there is a term for not conforming to heterosexuality, known as “comp het” – compulsory heterosexuality.

“This means that young girls raised in our society are expected to be attracted to men,” they said.

“So when you feel something for a man, you assume it’s attraction, and when you feel something for a woman, you assume it’s more of an admiration.

“So I thought I was attracted to men and I really, really admired women.”

Building Sunshine Coast communities

Zo said they didn’t have any queer friends when they came out, so she joined some groups, but they were older, more established, and not from her own generation.

They decided to create a space by starting a Facebook group, which has since become an active social media group with over 600 members.

“I love that people just organize an event and say, ‘I’m coming here, who wants to come?’” they said.

“It could be as simple as meeting for coffee, maybe we’re going to this big event or we’re hosting a queer ball right now.”

Zo said they have organized the Sunshine Coast’s first Queer Ball, which will take place next Friday at Palmview, as another chance for the local queer community to meet.

“I went to the prom with some queer person, my best friend Brady, but I wasn’t out, so I’m in a dress and stuff.

“It’s a chance for us to recreate that and just wear what we want and be queer and goofy and really have fun.”