Marriage at First Sight counseling ‘nothing like the real thing’

Eight couples have married, their week-long honeymoons are over and they are now settling into married life, living on top of each other in small London apartments.

But can they really be taught to love each other?

Channel 4’s Married at First Sight is a bold social experiment in which single people marry complete strangers, meeting for the first time at the altar.

Several couples in this series get off to a rocky start, with some participants plagued by attraction issues, personality conflict, and avoidance behavior.

To help them survive their marital adventures, the series involves three matchmaking experts – Paul Brunson, Mel Schilling and Charlene Douglas.

Since most couples rely heavily on their advice, how much does what we see on TV resemble the therapy provided in a real counseling room?

“Drama gains viewership”

Psychotherapy advisor Emma Loker explains that the show’s format is “a bit like group therapy”, with couples discussing their relationships with experts in front of everyone at an engagement ceremony.

The ceremonies are filmed throughout the day, which means couples get more time with the experts than would be seen in a condensed hour of television.

During the ceremony, it’s not uncommon to hear other participants sighing, swearing, crying and making various facial expressions, which Loker says is a key difference because in the counseling room, “people are told to respect each other.”

Couples live in the same complex, which means they often confide in each other about their relationships.

I’m the first one to dial my friends to complain about my partner, but where my friends keep my relationship drama a secret, most MAFS contestants are happy to share their gossip with others.

Dr. Sham Singh, a US-based psychiatrist, says that “external support may be well-intentioned, but too many voices can be confusing.”

“Therapy is a place where both partners can be heard, without external bias,” she explains, adding that it helps couples “strengthen their direct communication so that they gain enough confidence to address the problem first before involving others.” .

Matchmakers advised couples to focus on face-to-face communication, but this can be challenging at times due to the program’s format.

It includes quick questions for a couple to ask during their weekly dinner parties, which can fuel drama.

In response, a MAFS spokesperson told the BBC that the show is “unscripted and observational in nature and reflects the wide range of, at times complex and challenging, relationship dynamics that exist in the real world.”

Have advisors scolded clients?

Matchmakers have been known to give participants criticism for certain behaviors or comments that they consider unacceptable.

Life coach Paul told Charlie she “wasn’t fair with this experiment”, while fellow expert Mel criticized her for “lying” during the engagement ceremony.

But adviser Jonathan Eddie says he would “absolutely never” berate a client.

Susie Masterson, a trauma therapist, explains that experts can express disappointment “in order to mirror the reactions of friends or family in the real world, which can help couples understand how their behavior affects others.”

Lou Campbell, a relationship counselor, explains that the story is “totally made for TV” because skilled therapists “question behaviors” but don’t discipline their clients.

She finds matchmakers using this technique disturbing because “many participants seem quite vulnerable and could benefit from real one-on-one therapy.”

Counselor Loker has reservations about experts providing guidance because they could “inadvertently provide harmful advice or miss critical emotional warning signs that could exacerbate relationship problems.”

A MAFS spokesperson said that “on-screen experts bring a wealth of experience and are qualified specialists in a wide range of areas, from psychodynamic and psychosexual therapy to couples counseling, life coaching and matchmaking.

“They offer couples informed and educated advice and guidance throughout the process.”

The spokesman added that the filmmakers can also benefit from additional psychological support off-screen.

One of the issues plaguing some couples this year is physical attraction, and experts have slammed Adam and Casper for their “rude” words and “bullshit” excuses as they both said they weren’t attracted to “curvy girls.”

“It sounds like a personal judgment, and the principle of ethics is that we don’t judge,” explains Counselor Eddie.

When it comes to physical attraction, therapist Dr. Olivia Lee recommends “small acts of kindness, open dialogue, and intentional time together.”

This advice is very similar to what experts told two men who struggled to find their wives attractive because they were not petite or brunette.

Dr. Lee says there are definitely some similarities between the advice of experts and qualified therapists, “particularly when it comes to fostering open communication, conflict resolution, and exploring emotional needs.”

Mel’s intervention with Caspar seems to have definitely helped the couple, but Dr Lee warns that the advice given by experts is often too short-lived to have a lasting effect.

Ultimatum

One of the clearest differences between program experts and qualified advisors is that the former often want their matchmaking to be successful, so encourage participants to stay in the program.

“I have no vested interest in the outcomes of my clients’ relationships. My focus is on supporting them in the direction that feels most authentic to them,” Masterson says.

Similarly, experts told Richelle that she needed to fully commit to the process, which is understandable in a TV experiment,

Masterson explains that qualified counselors typically do not issue ultimatums because it is not her responsibility to “force couples to stay together.”

He adds that Richelle’s “signs of avoidant attachment” may present an underlying therapeutic challenge that experts may not be qualified to help her solve.

While it’s clear that the experts’ advice is well-intentioned and may be somewhat helpful, Dr. Lee says it’s important to remember that the main purpose of the show is to entertain, and what the experts say “should not be considered sound therapeutic advice” .

The advice of a qualified counselor is more likely to help a failing marriage than the opinions of matchmakers, but in the context of reality television, experts strike a pretty good balance between being helpful and entertaining.

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