The Danger of Baby Rush Syndrome

Is this back-to-school season making you or your children anxious?

If so, you are not alone.

It is estimated that for over half of parents, back to school is the *MOST* stressful time of the year.

What’s more, there is a certain buzzword that is gaining more and more popularity as it applies to many of us, especially at this time of year.

This is thought to be one of the main reasons we see such a dramatic increase in anxiety in children. This syndrome is called the Hurried Child Syndrome. Originally developed by David Elkind, it is when we put children in situations that are beyond their developmental capabilities. In other words, we schedule them like little adults, leaving no time for relaxation, play, or dare I say, even boredom.

Part of the idea behind the Rushed Child Syndrome is that we rush our children too much. We rush them out the door, to the next extracurricular activity or social gathering, and never give them time to relax and BE KIDS.

Many of us react emotionally to this concept because we remember our parents rushing us.

Does this have any significance to you?

So what are the signs that your child may be suffering from Rush Syndrome?

1. Sleep problems, bad eating habits and lack of sufficient physical activity. If your child does not have enough time to meet their basic physical needs, this is a warning sign that they have an overloaded schedule.

2. Arrest of emotional development. They are unable to form close relationships, work through conflicts, or sit at a slower pace because they are constantly on the go. There is no time to settle in and actually get close to others because that takes, well, time.

3. Feelings of unworthiness and obsession with achievement. Instead of focusing on the quality of their relationships, they are focused on winning the gold star and gaining love by checking off points and winning medals.

4. Inability to experience deep relaxation. They may spend a lot of time watching YouTube videos or getting high in other ways (like drugs or scrolling), but quiet forms of relaxation like reading a book or going for a walk seem like “pointless activities” to them.

5. Expressing resentment and rebellion towards parents. When our children are overtired, they can explode in their own way to share their frustration. This can manifest itself in procrastination, deliberate rebellion, and resistance, which only increases the tension between parents and their children.

What can parents do to reverse this trend?

1. Give yourself twice as much time, or even more. Instead of rushing, especially in the morning, give yourself an extra buffer of time and prepare as much as you can the night before. This will allow you to connect with your kids before school, rather than focusing on rushing them out the door.

2. Enter days when there is nothing on the calendar (or at least less stuff on it). Instead of blocking out every day, intentionally set aside a few days where you can relax a little or get creative and see where the day takes you. Instead of filling yourself up with things that don’t even excite you, say “no” to having more free time to just be with your kids.

3. Learn to deal with your frustration and find different ways to express it. When we are in a hurry, we can easily get angry. This can manifest itself through yelling, being rude, or being steely. As adults, we need to work through our own reaction patterns so that we can respond calmly when our children may need more time than we would like.

4. Find out what you are good at and seek help with things that are not your specialty. Instead of expecting yourself to excel in every category—cooking, crafting, prepping, teaching, and more—be honest with yourself about where you excel, and don’t be embarrassed about where you need help. If you try to do everything, you’ll rush things. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Our children benefit from learning from many people, so consider delegating a strength, not a weakness.

5. Ask your children what they really want to do. We can reprogram our children so much, but we need to connect with them about what they like and what they are learning. Instead of forcing them into those piano lessons or soccer games when they don’t have the heart for it, let them find activities that make sense.

With that in mind, be kind to yourself in the upcoming school year.

It’s not the end of the world if sometimes we can’t do everything. In fact, our world can open up in a whole new way when we do what we can, when we can. It’s about quality, not quantity, when it comes to our calendars, our schedules, and most importantly, our relationships.