Experts Reveal the Toughest Relationship Challenge—By Age

“Dating” can be a collection of words that mean going out in search of love. You meet someone new, go out for coffee or dinner, get carried away by the good vibes, and keep your phone ready for the next call or text message.

But while dating is the same no matter who, what, or where, it does pose certain challenges for different age groups.

When you think about it, it’s almost a cosmic miracle that people end up together. Given all the differences in their upbringings, values, and interests, it seems like the odds are stacked against them.

The continuing decline in marriages in this millennium raises more questions than answers.

Why is finding true love so complicated? Are people simply waiting longer to get married? Are couples choosing alternatives to marriage? Are there socioeconomic reasons for this decline? Are certain age groups getting married more or less often than other age groups? Are people looking for different things than they used to when it comes to love?

How much does age have to do with it? Is love worth it?

And yet, despite the statistics and skepticism, love is still the hottest thing to do. Always has been. Probably always will be. But having a few conscious arrows in your quiver is still a good idea.

Experts reveal that the toughest challenges in relationships come from age.

It is a pity that the privileges of youth fall on the young. They are healthy, without pain or suffering, energetic and open to the differences and discoveries that make life exciting and the world a place full of hope.

They are also relatively inexperienced in adult life, often still in college or fresh out of college. They are at the starting line of life, waiting for the “ready-go-go” countdown.

Ironically, according to statistics, over 50% of young adults aged 18-29 still live at home with at least one parent. This can be a bit awkward when it comes to serious dating or working on an exclusive, long-term relationship.

But the growing trend makes sense when you consider factors like the cost of living, tight finances, job searches, student debt and the pandemic. It’s also a time when most young adults are focused on “me.”

“Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? What sounds like a fun weekend?”

Compared to older singles, millennials/Gen Y/Gen Z are tech-savvy. Dating apps aren’t topics for self-shaming, low-key conversations. They’re as routine as gaming and downloading music.

Technology is something they grew up with. And for singles in their 20s, it plays a dominant role in their lives, often to the exclusion of meeting people and developing relationships in person.

Pexels / Ksenia Chernaya

The very nature of online dating can lead to gamesmanship between people — disappearing, waiting for calls, neglecting healthy communication.

Finally, the years spent establishing a career and developing personal interests can highlight what are often sources of tension in relationships between men and women.

Even women who want to travel and advance their careers in their 20s are aware of their biological clock.

For those who want to have children someday, the decisions they make now matter in the long run.

On the other hand, many men stretch out their “me” period without worrying about the time it takes to have children. Now, that’s probably not a big deal.

But as people in their 20s transition into their 30s and beyond, this attitude starts to make itself felt.

Problems with dating after 30.

The irony of dating in your 30s is that you’re still young and have most of your life ahead of you.

However, if you are not yet in a stable relationship at this stage, you will notice that the pool of potential candidates is shrinking.

Many of your friends may already be married (and, like most young women, you may have a large collection of bridesmaid dresses).

College (even high school) is a bit of a utopia when it comes to dating. You’re literally immersed in a pool of similarly aged singles. And your responsibilities revolve around you — your studies, your friends, your activities, your interests.

You may have a job, but you are not neck-deep in financial responsibilities.

You also have constant opportunities to socialize—at parties, dances, and sporting events.

However, once you hit 30, you may already be established in your career. You may be required to live in a specific city or even travel regularly for work.

This “utopia” of learning, play, and socialization has given way to increasing responsibility. You now have a glimpse into the next decade and the approach of middle age.

What do you need to do to prepare? How do you need to spend, save and invest your money?

People in their 30s tend to have enough relationship experience to have some “baggage” as well. Maybe you’ve been through a bad breakup or two. Maybe your 20s were a cautionary tale.

No matter what you bring with you into your 30s, you will likely lose your peace and innocence.

The topic of children is also becoming a “taboo subject”.

Interestingly, as women get older (and have children), their desire to have more children weakens.

For men, it’s the other way around. Yes, guys get baby fever too!

For those planning to get married and start a family, this is the time to be honest about what you want and make a decision based on that.

The challenges of dating after 40.

The problems with dating later in life can be summed up in four words: things get more complicated now.

On the one hand, midlife tends to herald greater self-awareness, maturity, and wisdom. It can be an incredibly liberating time for people who are locked down in their careers and raising children.

However, if you are looking for a partner again after your 40s, the chances are that this is not your first time, and this can be extremely unsettling.

It’s rare for a single person in that age group to re-enter the dating world without having been in a long-term relationship or married before. Although 25% of 40-year-olds today have never been married, the study says.

It means either a painful separation, divorce, or widowhood. None of these experiences are easy, and each of them involves grief and the need to adjust.

Many people in such a situation are afraid of being alone, which is why they hastily decide to go on a date.

They set up a profile on dating apps before they’re fully divorced. They either ignore their grief so they don’t have to face it. Or they don’t consider their role in the previous marriage and divorce, dragging their victim into their dating life.

If they’ve been married for decades, they may not recognize the current approach to modern dating. Technology and online dating can feel awkward, unnatural, and frustrating.

There’s also that hot topic of intimacy.

Are you out of practice? Are you stuck in your old approach to intimacy? Are you having physical issues with age? Do you just not feel the need anymore? Do you need a trip to the medicine cabinet before you head to the bedroom?

These are all normal experiences that come with aging and can certainly present challenges for your new love life.

Another challenge in dating after 40 is the awkward issue of expectations related to the age difference.

Although men are not the only ones who reach for models in a younger age range, they are more likely to abandon their peers in favor of younger models.

Single parents with young children must think about every aspect of dating issues in a complex way.

When do you introduce yourself? Bring a date home? Spend the night?

What if you both have children? What if some are grown and some are still at home?

Dating later in life, despite its unique advantages, is simply more complicated.

Everyone has “baggage” and history. You’ll never have that kind of “growing together” relationship, even if you grow old together.

Dating has its unique challenges, to be sure. And some, as we’ve seen, follow a general pattern with age.

But isn’t that what life in general is like, dating aside?

We give up the ease of youth for the acceptance and wisdom that come with age.

We seek different things for ourselves and from ourselves and from our relationships.

And we discover that life has a funny and redemptive way of balancing challenges with benefits.

Amy Schoen is a national expert in dating and relationship counseling based in the District of Columbia. He has helped countless couples find love.