A couples therapist and his wife share their secret to easier, more satisfying relationships

“There is nothing in the world more difficult than another person,” says world-renowned couples therapist and author Stan Tatkin, PhD, Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT).

So relationships—because they involve two (or more!) people—are inherently complex and sometimes difficult. But Stan and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, seem to have cracked the code that makes relationships not only easier but more fulfilling for their partners.

Stan says having a shared vision and purpose for the relationship is key.

Meet the experts: Stan and Tracey Tatkin

Stan and Tracey Tatkin have helped countless couples find common purpose through their online workshops, Wired for Love, based on Stan’s bestselling book of the same title.

Stan and Tracey Tatkin

Their approach combines science-backed insights with practical strategies that help couples understand each other better, communicate better, and bond more deeply.

With years of experience and a deep understanding of relationship dynamics, Stan and Tracey aim to empower couples to build safe and functioning relationships. Here’s a look at their unique approach.

What is safe operation?

“Functioning safely is based on vulnerability, honesty, trust, and mutual respect,” Stan explains. “That means you and your partner protect each other from the outside world…and from each other. Partners who function safely have a shared vision for their relationship, a set of rules that guide them, and agreements that hold them accountable.”

At Wired for Love workshops, Stan and Tracey help couples develop their own model for safe functioning while providing a living example to their couples.

During each session, genuine engagement and teamwork create a friendly and effective learning environment.

Stan and Tracey also share what they call car ride shows of affection—quick and easy ways to show your partner love and appreciation throughout the day. It could be a 30-second shoulder rub, a text message saying “I love you,” or even a meme that one partner finds funny. Stan emphasizes the importance of these small gestures in keeping your relationship safe and healthy.

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What inspired you to create the Wired for Love online workshop?

Stan says, “I started with a deep curiosity about the science of attachment. Many couples struggle with communication and intimacy, often without understanding why. We wanted to bridge the gap between research and practical applications so that couples could apply
“proven strategies for improving your relationships.”

“For me,” Tracey says, “it’s always been about equipping couples with the tools they need to grow together and create more intimacy. I see firsthand how small changes can make a big difference, and I want to share those insights in a way that’s accessible and doable.”

What makes the Wired for Love workshop unique?

Wired for Love combines neuroscience, attachment theory, and the biology of human arousal. “We don’t just give you tips and tricks; we delve into the underlying brain processes that influence how partners interact with each other,” Stan explains. By understanding these mechanisms, couples can understand why they do what they do and make more meaningful changes.

Another goal is personalized strategies. “We guide participants to define how they want to define their unique relationship,” Tracey adds. This customized approach helps partners apply the principles directly to their own relationship and figure out how to create the relationship they both want.

What lessons can partners learn from the Wired for Love workshops?

“Participants will leave with a better understanding of how to apply scientific principles to improve communication, resolve conflicts faster, and deepen emotional connection,” says Stan. “We want to help them move forward with a shared purpose and principles that can
“Rely on.”

During each workshop session, couples have the opportunity to practice new communication and conflict resolution skills in a safe, supportive environment. Stan and Tracey provide exercises and activities that reinforce learning and allow couples to put what they have learned into practice.
time.

Tracey also notes that participants often build lasting connections. “Often groups will just connect and start talking to each other online or even in person. There’s a lot of camaraderie and they really become each other’s support system.”