Dear Abby: A Man Suddenly Infatuated with a Woman He’s Known for Years

DEAR ABBY: I have been with “Kendra” since she was 4. I am 59 years old and not married to her mother, although we are good friends. Kendra is now 36 and has an 8-year-old son. She lives with her boyfriend, who is the father. They are not married. We have a great relationship.

For some reason, over the past four months, my feelings for Kendra have turned into a crush. I mean, I’ve always loved her, but now I want to be with her. I WANT to be with her. My feelings are so strong that I would even marry her. I know she loves me, but I doubt it in the way I love her now.

I don’t want to ruin what we have, but it’s killing me not being able to be with her. I feel jealous like a child. I love her so much and would never hurt her. I guess I’m just a stupid old man who thinks like that, but I can’t help myself. I can honestly say that I’m in love with her. I’m confused about what to do. — LOVING HER IN THE EAST

DEAR LOVING: What happened four months ago that changed your feelings for Kendra from the paternal ones you have felt for the past 32 years? If you express your (lustful) feelings to her that you have been hiding, you will destroy the entire family. The appropriate place to explore your feelings is in the office of a licensed psychotherapist. Please do not wait.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Jake,” tells his mother where we plan to go and what we plan to do on our “date nights.” She’s actually shown up a few times. She acts surprised to see us, asking us “what we’re doing.” She doesn’t try to sit with us or hang around with us, thank God, but she’s there, watching and listening from a little distance away. She’s never liked me, and I suspect this is just another of her passive-aggressive ways of getting on my nerves.

Our dating is an active effort to try to save our marriage. When she first showed up, I told Jake I didn’t like it and that it better not happen again. He assured me that it wouldn’t happen. I also asked him to stop telling her where we were going and what we were doing. He didn’t. He says he “can’t” tell his mother to leave because it’s a public place and she has a right to be there too. What should I do? – IT HAPPENED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR HAD THIS: If you and Jake are serious about saving your marriage and aren’t already in marriage counseling, start talking to a licensed marriage and family therapist NOW. Jake sounds like a man who can’t say “no” to his mother. Your mother-in-law has every right to go to any restaurant she wants, but she shouldn’t be hounding you. A therapist can help you get that message across to your husband, whose priorities seem to be out of whack.

In the meantime, YOU should take matters into your own hands and organize your dates. Make reservations and don’t tell anyone where you’re going — not even your husband.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling included.)