“I lied to myself”

“I had to forgive myself and realize that what happened wasn’t my fault, that I deserved to be a mother,” she writes in her upcoming memoir, Who’s That Girl?

Ewa reflects on the loss of an ectopic pregnancy she experienced in 2006.

In her upcoming memoirs Who is this girl?‘Let Me Blow Ya Mind’ details medical issues that led to emergency surgery during production of her sitcom Eve“I told them all it was appendicitis,” Eve writes in the book. “It was a tubal pregnancy, where the embryonic sac in my only fallopian tube had ruptured. This is also known as an ectopic pregnancy. I had to have emergency surgery and stop filming the show for two weeks.”

Eve wonders why she didn’t reveal the information sooner. “I really don’t know why I lied to everyone on set and said my appendix had burst,” she writes. “Maybe because I was lying to myself. If I had been faced with losing a child, I didn’t know if two weeks would be enough time to heal emotionally. Ultimately, it was barely enough time for me to heal physically before I got back on set.”

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The rapper said that because she’s been hitting up a lot of red carpet events since her miscarriage, she’s seen a lot of photos of herself from that chapter of her life — and she doesn’t like what she sees. “I see how skinny I was. Too skinny,” she writes. “And I was in too much denial. But like I said, sometimes I’ve done whatever it takes to show up and get the job done… even if it’s to my own detriment.”

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Eve notes that she didn’t fully process the experience at the time. “For years, I didn’t grieve the loss of my first child,” she says. “I didn’t know how to do it, but eventually I learned. I had to talk to that child and acknowledge its existence. I had to forgive myself and know that what happened wasn’t my fault, that I deserved to be a mother, and that I was ready to bring a child into this world down here.”

The singer later discovered that endometriosis and fibroids contributed to the ectopic pregnancy. “In 2006, my doctor never told me that one of my fallopian tubes was narrowed—the one that caused the rupture—and that it was covered in endometriosis,” she writes. “I could have had a procedure called a tubal ligation that would have fixed it, but none of that was told to me. Back then, even discussing things like endometriosis was completely taboo. People barely knew what it was. And it’s better to have that procedure when you’re younger, because it gets harder as you get older. Again, no one told me that. Now I know I also had fibroids, which a lot of people have—but I had a lot of them.”

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Eventually, after a tumultuous IVF experience, Eve gave birth to her first son, Wilde Wolf, in 2022. “After Wilde was born, I fully embraced being his mother,” she writes. “Every moment he fed, every moment he cried, everything—I soaked it all in.”

Who is this girl? premiere on September 17.

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