Couples Who Do These 7 Things Together Have The Healthiest Relationships, According to Psychology

People often ask if I can help them learn how to have a healthy relationship. I started thinking about that request and what it means to give good relationship advice. What exactly are the elements of a healthy relationship? Two of my colleagues in Interpersonal Neurobiology, David Rock and Daniel Siegel, have developed a model called The Healthy Mind Platter.

According to psychology, couples who do these 7 things together have the healthiest relationships:

1. Screen-free time

We live in an age of digital distraction. Do you ever look down at your phone instead of your partner’s eyes when they’re talking? Focus allows a couple to be present, in the moment, which translates into caring and loving each other. We all want to know that we matter and that we count. Focusing on each other sends that message.

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2. Fun time

Do you have fun with your partner? Setting a to-do list, turning off the computer, and allowing yourself to be spontaneous or creative goes a long way toward creating a healthy balance in your life. Play isn’t just for kids, NPR reports how important it is for adults to have fun too. In a relationship, playing together—whether it’s a board game or a game of whack-a-mole—creates new connections in the brain and with each other.

3. Connection time

When we connect, truly connect, with ourselves, we enhance our joy in relationship. Being physically present—whether you’re talking, cooking, or folding laundry—activates and strengthens the brain’s relational circuits. This builds a kind of safety with ourselves and allows us to relax and experience joy.

4. Physical time

When we move our bodies, we strengthen our brains, our hearts, and our happiness. So get off the couch and go for a walk, dance, or do aerobics in bed together. A daily dose of physical activity is a recipe for physical, mental, emotional, and relational health.

5.Silence time

There is also great benefit in taking time to sit still and reflect internally. Some couples sit quietly next to each other in meditation, silence, or prayer. Remember to focus on the sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts. You may want to open up and share some of this inner wandering with your partner. Make sure you listen deeply, with curiosity, and without judgment. This is the essence of emotional intimacy.

6. Downtime

You can also watch TV mindlessly from time to time. Sometimes our brain just needs to relax. When we are not focused, without any specific goal, we increase relaxation. That is how we recharge. Spending time with my husband and doing nothing is one of my favorite ways to spend time with my husband.

7. Sleep time

Healthy adults sleep an average of 6-8 hours a night, according to Harvard Medical School. Have you ever been irritated by your partner’s behavior when the real culprit is that you’re exhausted and sleep-deprived? We need sleep to consolidate knowledge and recover from the experiences of the day. Cuddling up at night while you sleep is one of life’s greatest joys.