How to Get Better at “Forgiving and Forgetting” Based on Your Personality Type

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. How often have you heard the phrase “forgive and forget” and wondered how to actually achieve it? If only it were as simple as those two words.

Declaring forgiveness is empty if you can’t let go of the pain that was inflicted on you. It’s pointless if you keep passing your pain on to someone else. But when you let go, you feel relief and freedom, paving the way for a brighter future.

If you don’t release the pain, you suppress it until it adversely affects your health. Above all, forgiveness takes time. It can be a lifelong process, but that doesn’t mean everything will be resolved.

Here’s How to Better Handle “Forgiveness and Forgetting” Depending on Your Personality Type

The Enneagram is a powerful psychological and spiritual tool that will help you access the wisdom within and around you. Understanding and accessing the three centers of intelligence, body sensations, heart emotions, and peaceful mind, unlocks the potential for forgiveness for yourself and others. This transformative process can lead to healing and restored relationships, making the Enneagram a fascinating and inspiring journey of self-discovery.

1. The Reformer

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The biggest challenge for the Reformer is overcoming the fear of being imperfect. They put enormous pressure on themselves to do it right and feel responsible for keeping everyone else safe. When they can accept their imperfections, they begin to relax, as explained in a study on treatments for perfectionism.

The reformer wants to learn better ways to live in the world with others. As a person becomes less limited, they become more open to life, able to find therapies that work for them to heal, to learn to be cheerful again, to be less serious, to have a sense of optimism, and to begin to believe that life can be better.

2. Helper

The biggest challenge for the Helper is accepting that they have value for being themselves. They need to realize that they don’t have to earn love because they already deserve it. Doing this work can help you seek forgiveness for yourself.

Helpers seek love. When they let go of fear, they become more open to their experiences and practice self-care. This allows them to use their creative energy and set appropriate boundaries.

3. Achieving

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The biggest challenge for an Achiever is to accept that you don’t have to be the best to be respected. Not everything has to be a competition. For an Achiever to remember that you are good enough, regardless of how others perceive you.

Achievers seek to be recognized for their successes. As they become less limited in their type, they let go of the need to be in control. They become more present and concerned about other people’s feelings. Being open to seeking help makes it easier to ask for coaching or counseling.

4. Individualist

The challenge for individualists is to shift their focus from what they lack to appreciating what they have. They benefit from understanding their true feelings and becoming more grounded and practical.

They can channel creativity and emotions into tangible results and are highly skilled in healing and the creative arts. A 2005 study reinforces how the healing process calls you to seek forgiveness from yourself and the perpetrator. This can be a slow process.

5. Investigators

The challenge for a researcher is to remember that they have a body full of wisdom. It is also important for researchers to share what they learn, even if their research is not complete.

Grounded, Investigators find power, become aware of physical desires, and feel more energetic. They become more vocal and assertive, feel worthy of taking up space, and can step into leadership roles more effectively.

6. Loyalist

The challenge for Loyalists is to learn to trust a higher power greater than themselves, as well as to trust themselves physically, emotionally and mentally.

Loyalists will focus more on what is going well as they become more grounded. They will regain the courage of the Loyalists to be able to take more risks. As Loyalists become less restricted in their personality, they will become more trusting, flexible, supportive, and less suspicious of others. They learn to relax and trust their intuition instead of constantly imagining negative scenarios.

7. Enthusiast

The Enthusiast’s challenge is to face the pain and mess in their lives. They can become calmer, gain perspective, and flow by slowing down and simplifying their lives.

As they loosen up from the constraints of their Enneagram type, they become more focused, gain wisdom, and seek to understand the deeper meaning of life. They learn to engage in contemplative practices and accept silence to open up to all three centers of intelligence.

The more you can calm your mind, the easier it will be to practice forgiveness.

8. The Pretender

The challenge for the Challenger is to slow down and invite others to join him in defending those who are mistreated and abused.

When Challengers break free from their personality type, they become more compassionate and considerate of others, valuing their beliefs as equals. They show tenderness, sensitivity, and greater emotional expression, allowing their inner child to feel safe and playful.

9. Pacifist

Peaceful people avoid conflict to maintain peace, but they must learn to share their desires with others.

Learning the Enneagram can help you become the best version of yourself, opening you up to the healing you need.

When you are at your best, you will be better able to see the places in your body, heart, and mind that need healing. Let’s start by asking ourselves these questions:

What in your life needs healing?
What stories are you telling yourself that need to change?
What relationships would you like to rebuild and how might you do so?
How can you prevent transferring your pain and humiliation to the person you love?
What will help you acknowledge the pain and let it go?
Which people do you have to break up with?
Can you forgive yourself for not protecting yourself?

A good place to start is to discover your Enneagram type, as described in a 2018 study . Your type reveals where you go when you’re stressed. With practice, you’ll learn to notice when you’re stuck in your ego and discover healthier ways to respond to stress in your life.

It’s hard work, but the results are worth the effort.

Roland Legge is an author, certified spiritual coach, and Enneagram teacher. He helps people connect with their inner selves and find alignment with their highest purpose and values.