China’s ‘full-time fathers’ challenge patriarchal norms

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Photos by Hector Retamal. Video by Qian Ye

Cooking, cleaning, looking after children during the day: Chen Hualiang takes on household chores that many Chinese fathers tend to leave to their wives, going against a deeply rooted patriarchal tradition and even inspiring a hit TV show.

The former project manager has left the rat race to join a growing number of “full-time dads,” as they are known in China.

“When you work, you dream of a great career and that this money will help your family,” he told AFP from a villa in the suburbs of Shanghai, his four-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son playing nearby.

“But nothing is certain, and a salary is not necessarily what your family needs most.”

Social norms in China have for centuries dictated that men should be the breadwinners, while women should take care of the home and children.

“My father was just a father. I never felt like he could help me except financially,” Chen said.

“I want to be like a friend to my children, so they can share things with me.”

More than half of Chinese men now say they would be willing to become stay-at-home dads, according to a 2019 survey cited by state media — up from just 17% in 2007.

This coincided with a wider recognition of women’s rights and access to higher education, although they are still under-represented in positions of responsibility.

“The increase in the number of stay-at-home dads is due to the fact that women now have a higher status,” Pan Xingzhi, founder of an online psychological counselling platform, told AFP.

People also see a “value for money”: For a couple, giving up a salary and caring for their baby themselves is often less expensive than hiring a nanny or childcare provider, Pan said.

For Chen, his decision to stay home frees up time for his wife Mao Li, author of a best-selling book about stay-at-home dads.

“Early in our marriage, I wondered if I was being useful as a spouse,” she said.

“He worked a lot, so he didn’t help me with the children and didn’t pay much attention to me. But now he takes care of the children and stays at home, I find him super helpful,” she said.

“I give it 9.5 out of 10.”

On Xiaohongshu, China’s equivalent of Instagram, other young stay-at-home dads proudly promote their lifestyle choices.

Chang Wenhao, 37, a content creator and education entrepreneur from the southern Chinese city of Zhuhai, is one such convert.

He has adjusted his work schedule to be available 80% of the time for his seven-year-old daughter and five-year-old son, taking them camping, horse riding, cycling and hiking.

“In terms of educational methods, encouragement, ways to build self-confidence, to develop their skills, their independence in life, I bring them things that they don’t learn in school or from other adults,” he said.

Mao’s book inspired a 36-episode television series called “Husband and Wife” about full-time fathers, rekindling the sometimes heated debate over the role of men in the home in China.

“My parents are a little worried about me being a stay-at-home dad,” Chen said.

“Some people, especially on social media, say that I live off my wife.”

Many other stay-at-home dads also report some resistance from their families.

Xu Xiaolin, 34, from Xiamen, a city in eastern China, has been a stay-at-home dad since the company he worked for went bankrupt.

“At the beginning, my parents and grandparents often said: you have to work,” Xu told AFP.

“Sometimes elderly neighbours make comments to them. It bothers them, so they put pressure on me.”

Passersby sometimes make fun of him when he walks his two-year-old son alone, he says.

“But people under 35 don’t have that mentality anymore.”

Chang, the entrepreneur, also said he has noticed the beginnings of change in recent years.

“Many fathers are beginning to value the companionship and education of their children” and to listen to their needs.

“It will continue to evolve,” he said.

“But profound change will still take time.”