3 Weird Things Men Overemphasize When It Comes To Finding A Woman

I remember when I was in my early twenties. Believe it or not, all I wanted was to be married to someone who appreciated me. Men had no problem sleeping with me. They really liked my personality too.

But you know what? Until my husband came along, none of them seriously considered me as a potential wife. They pretended to be a future wife. Eventually, I got married. Lo and behold, when my exes saw how I treated my husband, they complained and said they would have “loved to be him.” My response: “Um, guys, if you had, I would have been a wife and you would have been like that five years ago. Stop it.”

That being said, I often asked them why they didn’t see me as the ideal woman for them. Most of the time, they ended up saying stupid things. My curiosity and my very open dialogue with people taught me a lot. These three factors are the most common and explain why we should not base our judgment on them.

Here are three strange things men overemphasize when it comes to finding a wife:

1. How many partners has a woman had?

Every woman you meet has a past. What she’s done with others has no bearing on her loyalty to you. Nor does what she’s done with others have any bearing on whether you’ll be the best person she’s ever had.

The fact that this is the norm shows how insecure many men are. One study found that men placed more importance on a potential romantic partner’s past intimate history than women.

If you judge a spouse based on the number of partners they’ve had, you’re probably not considering the right factors. Few people marry the best partner of their life, otherwise I would have been married before I graduated high school.

Believe it or not, some of the happiest marriages I’ve ever seen are between adult film stars and their partners. It doesn’t matter how many people that person has slept with. If they choose you, they choose you. Plus, there’s something to be said for the experience they bring to the bedroom and what that does to your intimacy.

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2. How conventionally beautiful she is

Am I saying that you should date someone you find unattractive? No. Quite the opposite. I have seen many men who were passionately in love with girls who did not fit into society’s norms. What happened to these women?

Let me tell you, as is the case with these types of women, they were swept under the rug and kept as “dirty little secrets.” They were treated well as long as they weren’t in public. And they never engaged in it. It hurt them. Oh, and because they were treated this way, they (er, me) had to go through years of therapy.

Women who end up being a man’s “dirty little secret” often end up in better relationships later on. And when they do, they often end up married in pretty decent situations. Meanwhile, these men have shot themselves in the foot. They complain about dead relationships, resent ““trophy wife” and then they cheat to please themselves.

Is that you? Well done. You made a smart match. You learned a very valuable lesson: every trophy eventually loses its luster.

3. How much money does she earn?

I’ve had quite a few exes who were deeply intimidated by how much money I made. Every single one of them picked on me in one way or another. Many men want to be the primary breadwinner and want to be seen as such by their friends. A Pew Research Center survey found that about 48% of men married to a woman would prefer her wife to earn more than their wife.

So when they have a girl who earns more than them, they cheat on her to make themselves feel better. Or they abuse her. Or they use her to make money, but they don’t marry her. This is a very weird thing that I’ve noticed and I can’t understand.

Christina Morillo / Pexels

Currently, I support my partner financially. He does most of the repairs, cleaning, and social planning in my home. It’s great. It’s a partnership that we both enjoy. The only problem is that our roles are reversed, and that’s okay. I can’t believe some men would say no to that.

If you look closely at each problem, you may notice something. Each of these “marital factors” stems from insecurity. A man who is confident enough to love someone who is his equal or superior is a good man. And that is the man who has a happy love life. It is when you let your fears control you that you end up hurting yourself.

In most cases, what you should be looking for is someone who wants to improve you, improve your life, and also take care of their business. Look for personality and genuine caring, not superficial things. Marriage should be a way to elevate both. If the factors you are looking for are superficial and designed to foster insecurity, don’t be surprised if your marriage doesn’t serve you well.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.