9 Signs You Were Surrounded by Fake Friends Growing Up and It’s Affecting You Now

Many people have the same group of friends since childhood. If that’s true for you, during that time you’ve probably confided your deepest, darkest secrets to them, trusting them with your life.

Unfortunately, trusting certain people can be a huge mistake because not all friends are true friends. While it may not seem like a big deal now, their actions have clearly affected you, following you into adulthood.

Here are 9 signs you had fake friends as a child — and they’re affecting you now

1. They kept betraying your trust

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It can be hard to open up to others, especially as you grow and become a complete person. Being vulnerable means letting down those walls you’ve built, which is scary. So imagine your surprise when your supposed best friend shatters your trust.

You probably felt devastated. And as you grow older, it can affect your relationships for the worse.

Studies have shown that attachment issues and distrust can lead to psychological abuse. This can cause a person to look at their partner’s phone, track their location, and unfairly blame them. And that’s toxic for both parties involved.

2. They belittled your achievements

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Growing up, you may have accomplished many things. Maybe you started a healthy relationship or received an award for academic success.

Your friend may have seemed excited about you on the outside. They may have given you a reassuring smile or a cheerful congratulation. But at the same time, they were putting you down, probably because they were jealous.

Your insecurities now make you feel the need to downplay your successes as an adult, and that’s unhealthy. If you can’t find joy in the small moments, you won’t appreciate the big ones. Plus, expressing joy is great for your health.

3. They didn’t respect you

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Feeling disrespected is not pleasant, but unfortunately fake friends don’t care about your comfort. They are so focused on making themselves feel better that they don’t stop to consider how their actions affect the people around them, including you.

Because of this, you may have come across comments that were inappropriate, thus damaging your self-esteem. But having someone in your life who consistently disrespects you leads to bad boundaries and, according to clinical psychologist Monica Johnson Psy.D., it leads to feeling overwhelmed.

Johnson says you can become so reliant on external validation that it can lead to impulsive behavior to avoid relationship problems. And that, as you can imagine, affects your ability to form meaningful connections as an adult.

4. They put pressure on you

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Most people have a desire to fit in. However, sometimes it can be unsettling how far they are willing to go. If you grew up with fake friends, you were probably subjected to peer pressure to engage in activities outside of your comfort zone. At first glance, this may not seem like a big deal, but it is not something to take lightly.

Peer pressure can turn us into people-pleasers who have difficulty expressing ourselves. This can cause you to engage in things that go against your deepest desires. And when you live a life that pleases others, it will definitely end badly.

According to clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen, people who want to please others are prone to burnout. They are thoughtful, so they have a hard time setting boundaries. That may lead them to take on extra work or get emotionally involved.

5. They teased you

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It can be a gut punch when your friends tease you for no reason. Feeling insecure, you may even start to wonder if they are right. Are you really as weird or unimportant as they say?

Growing up with fake friends, you may not have realized that they weren’t putting you down for any reason; rather, it was because they took pleasure in watching you suffer. And having such people around you can cause irreversible damage.

Teasing has been shown time and again to result in body dissatisfaction and eating disorders in adulthood. If you are experiencing these feelings, it is very likely that your friends were fake and continue to influence you.

6. They never had anything positive to say

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Surrounding yourself with negative influences can end up harming you. When you constantly hear disparaging remarks or mean comments, it changes your brain, making you more susceptible to negative thinking.

But a little negative thinking can do damage. According to one study, negative thinking correlates with lower well-being, which may explain why you feel so down after years. Your negative thoughts literally drag you down, making it harder for you to stay positive.

7. They manipulated you

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Gaslighting is misunderstood and for this reason is not always taken seriously. To put it plainly, gaslighting can have devastating consequences. Victims of gaslighting are often lied to, causing them to question what they know to be true.

But that’s not the worst thing gaslighters do to their victims. One study of romantic relationships found that survivors of gaslighting experienced decreased self-esteem, increased wariness, and distrust of others.

As you can imagine, this can impact your mental health, making it harder to make connections in adulthood.

8. They left you out on purpose

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It’s human nature to want to belong somewhere. Berkeley Executive Education argues that human connections are as important to our physical and mental health as healthy eating. That’s why being constantly excluded from your group of friends is so damaging in the long run.

It literally goes against your natural instincts and nature. The research also confirms the importance of social connections, adding that there is general agreement in the public health literature that socialization promotes mental health and reduces mortality rates.

When we are constantly bombarded with loneliness, it can lead to health issues such as depression or anxiety. As an adult, you may fear loneliness, a similar feeling to being excluded and isolated.

To avoid this, you probably did everything in your power to fit in, even if it meant going against your better judgment.

9. They never accepted the real you

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If you grew up with fake friends, they never got to know the real you. You were probably afraid to explore your truest desires and wishes, all thanks to their lack of true friendship.

Now, as an adult, you are stuck in an impossible situation: between not knowing who you are and the fear of discovering yourself.

If you find yourself in this situation, know that you are not alone. About 70% of people have faked happiness at some point, but getting the help you need and slowly pushing yourself can give you the strength you need to live your authentic life, no matter what others think.

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a BA in psychology who writes about self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.