Woman plans to go abroad to end her life

CAPE GIRARDEAU, Mo. (KFVS/Gray News) – A Missouri woman has one simple message about the decision she’s making to end her life: “My body, my choice, my death.”

On a beautiful September afternoon, Gayle Hendrix enjoyed an outdoor lunch with friends. They savored not only the food and drinks, but also those last moments together.

“My mother always walked at her own pace,” said Charlene Foeste.

That day, Foeste joined her mother and friends for lunch. She doesn’t want to miss anything, especially now.

“My mom and I are polar opposites, we really are in everything,” she said. “We always have been.”

Foeste and Hendrix have differing opinions on many issues, and Hendrix’s latest decision is no exception.

“You know, you don’t have to agree with people, you don’t have to, but you have to love them and support them,” Foeste said.

Her mother is 79 years old and will not live to see her 80th birthday.

She already knows when she will die.

“I just feel like it’s the right thing to do,” Gayle Hendrix said.

Hendrix’s friends say she was always an advocate, standing up for others and fighting for what was right.

For the past 20 years she has been working to bring about change and raise awareness about a cause important to her.

“People are uncomfortable talking about death,” Hendrix said.

Over the years she has been involved in groups such as Compassion and Choices.

She helped promote legislation and raise awareness for people who wish to end their lives through physician-assisted death.

Hendrix said she knew for years that when the time was right, she wanted to have her own exit plan.

“I’ve had a great life and I want to maintain some dignity as I move on to the next stage,” Hendrix said.

About four years ago her life changed.

“My shortness of breath was getting worse and worse,” Hendrix said. “Even on flat surfaces, I was having trouble breathing.”

The diagnosis was lupus and interstitial lung disease. She said her lung capacity was steadily deteriorating.

“My friends say, ‘But you don’t look, sound or act like someone who’s about to die,’ but I’m dying and I want to control it,” Hendrix said.

He uses a respirator 24 hours a day and is only able to walk short distances.

“I don’t want to get to the point where it’s just existence and not living,” Hendrix said.

Before her diagnosis she led an active lifestyle.

“She was always busy, always,” Foeste said.

Hendrix grew up in a small town in North Carolina but later felt drawn to Cape Girardeau, Missouri.

The mother of two wanted to pursue a professional career, so she completed college and worked several jobs.

She began her career in human resources, which took her to several places, including Atlanta.

Hendrix admitted, however, that she missed Missouri and moved back to Cape Girardeau many years ago, where she lives today.

“I’d like to say I was a poet, a painter and a musician. … I have nothing in that area,” Hendrix said with a laugh. “So I think that’s why I started walking, because I can walk. I was an avid walker, three to five miles a day … every day up until about three years ago.”

She also started riding a bike.

“One day I got the idea that I wanted to ride my bike from the Cape to St. Louis and touch the side of the arch,” Hendrix said. “So I did it.”

She traveled a lot for work, taking advantage of the hiking trails and new adventures she encountered along the way.

“She always had three jobs or was traveling somewhere, like to concerts or festivals,” Foeste said.

Foeste said her mother took her to concerts from a young age, which helped her develop a love of music. It’s something they have in common.

“One of them for us is music,” Foeste said.

Hendrix has worn many hats over the years. After retiring, she said she got bored and went back to work during the pandemic as a contact tracer.

She recently retired again, just in time to start planning the next chapter in her life.

“She’s a very realistic person. She always faces problems and challenges,” Foeste said.

Even the difficult ones.

“It will be difficult, but I know that and I know what to expect and what the final result will be,” Foeste said.

In a few days, Hendrix and Foeste will fly to Switzerland, where Hendrix will end his life.

“When I started seeing a bigger drop, like every month, I could tell it wasn’t as good as last month. I knew then if I wanted to do it while I was still able to get in and travel, I had to do it soon,” Hendrix said.

In the United States, physician-assisted suicide is legal in 10 states and the District of Columbia, according to the organization Death with Dignity.

All states except two (Vermont and Oregon) have residency requirements.

There are other rules and regulations as well, but they all have one thing in common: the patient must have a maximum of six months left to live.

“I don’t want to wait that long,” Hendrix said. “I don’t want to get that sick.”

So she chose another country. She chose Switzerland, a country where medically assisted dying has been legal since the 1940s.

She started filling out paperwork this spring and hoped to be able to go in August.

“They were already taken,” Hendrix said.

So she chose the date of September 26th.

“They put an IV in your arm, and the first drug that goes through puts you to sleep. And the second drug stops all your bodily functions,” Hendrix said. “They have some kind of button on the IV. You have to be able to push that button, and that starts the fluid flowing. Five minutes later, it’s done.”

She will then be cremated and her remains will be returned to Missouri within a few weeks.

She said she wasn’t nervous.

“I’m not,” Hendrix said. “And I just sat here describing it, thinking I sound like a clinician. I don’t sound like someone talking about my death, but that’s because I am, I feel comfortable with my decision.”

Despite everything, she knows this is difficult for her family.

“It’s a huge loss, a huge loss for us,” Foeste said. “It won’t be the same. It just won’t.”

Hendrix said she had difficult conversations with friends and others who disagreed with her or thought what she was doing was morally wrong.

“Some of them are religious and, you know, they have certain views, but I think because I’ve been open with people for so long, it hasn’t shocked them,” Hendrix said.

In these last few days she has spent a lot of time getting her affairs in order, including selling her house.

“I just want to make sure that she does everything that she wants to do and that we spend time together and she doesn’t want our time together to be sad and, you know, full of regret or anything like that. I try really hard to make it that way,” Foeste said.

Hendrix realizes he will lose his chance at a better life, but he doesn’t want to risk ending up in a hospital bed.

“I’m just at peace with my decision and I feel it’s the right thing for me and my body,” Hendrix said.

“I can’t say I agree with her decision, I don’t,” Foeste said. “But it’s not my choice. I love her and I support her, and there’s no way my mom would do this on her own, no way.”

So mother and daughter will set off on their final journey together.

“I love her and support her 100 percent, no matter what,” Foeste said. “She knows that, my kids know that, and I just wish more people were like that.”

She said that this experience taught her a lot about compassion and unconditional love.

“It was hard, but I was lucky she was my mom,” Foeste said.

Hendrix said she hopes that even if someone does not support her decision, she will take the time to talk about her final wishes with her loved ones.

She said it will make everything easier when the time comes.

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