6 Compatible Traits Every Couple Needs for a Successful Marriage, According to Psychology

You think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but how do you know if they’re actually “the one”? You can hire someone to chart your zodiac signs, or you can take compatibility tests. But there’s another way to determine your love compatibility.

Peter Pearson, couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute, revealed the most important elements of a successful marriage. His first answer? Chemistry. Relationship expert and author A date out of your leagueApril Masini also added, “Chemistry is like a powerful drug that draws people together, even if at first glance they don’t seem to be a good fit.”

Pearson suggests using a bit of transactional analysis. Transactional analysis (TA) is a model of people and relationships that was developed in the 1960s by Dr. Eric Berne. TA is based on two ideas: 1) that we have three parts or ego states in our personality and 2) that they communicate with each other in transactions, hence the name.

While it is best to match your partner in every way, sometimes people end up with people who give them balance.

Here are 6 compatible traits that, according to psychology, are essential for every couple to create a successful marriage:

1. Commitment to each other

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Both parties are committed to each other and their relationship. This taps into the parental ego state, where both parties share the same level of value regarding their bond. Commitment is necessary for a relationship to thrive, says research from the National Library of Medicine.

2. Considering each other

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Compatible couples never forget the importance of their relationship and make sure to be mindful and present for their partner. In the adult ego state, this means considering the other person’s happiness before your own and learning from past relationships. One University of Alberta study shows how putting your partner first can help you and your relationship be happier.

3. The ability to keep things fresh

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Even though the couple may be getting older, they make sure their relationship remains youthful. As part of the child’s ego state, be spontaneous and open to learning new things.

4. Shared sense of humor

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Humor can bond a couple, help release frustration and tension, and just be fun. Also, while getting into the child’s ego state, have fun together. Research from the University of California shows that a relationship filled with laughter can lead to a happier relationship.

5. A common desire for closeness

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You don’t have to have physical intimacy every day, but showing intimacy through touch or gesture, or listening when your partner expresses their feelings, shows true compatibility, research confirms. This is part of both the adult ego state and the child ego state, because intimacy is something you feel but may have learned from previous relationships.

Couples who connect with each other on many levels and share many common personality traits and values have a better chance of surviving.

6. The ability to show up when needed

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Everything a relationship is about being there for someone. Sometimes that looks like compromise or having difficult conversations, even if you don’t want to.

It looks like having a bad day at work and then coming home and doing the dishes because you know your partner is sick. Sometimes it looks like picking up your child from school every day for a month because your partner has to take care of their sick mother. Love is a choice you make every day, even when it’s hard.

Christine Schönwald is a writer whose work has appeared in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Woman’s Day, Purple Clover, and Bustle. She is a regular contributor to Ravishly and YourTango.