A new study finds that cutting children off from their friends can make their behavior worse.

Research shows that disapproving of a child’s friends in an attempt to stop bad behavior can have a negative effect.

The latest study published in Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatryshowed that parents who forbid friendships, especially mothers, can worsen a child’s behavior rather than improve it, because it can harm their social standing and lead to greater difficulties in adjustment.

Researchers led by Dr. Brett Laursen, professor of psychology at Florida Atlantic University, followed 562 high school students aged 9 to 14 throughout an academic year.

They measured peer status (whether children were liked or disliked), classroom disruption, and conduct problems through peer nominations and self-ratings. They also examined the effect of mothers’ disapproval of friends on students’ behavior.

Statistics revealed that when mothers intervened in this way in response to their child’s misbehavior, they were unwittingly making the situation worse, and their disapproval led to a deterioration in the child’s peer relationships.

This alienation from classmates intensified the child’s behavioral problems, deepening the problems that mothers were trying to prevent.

The study also found that maternal disapproval was more likely to lead to active dislike by classmates than to simple distancing. As peer status declined, behavior problems worsened due to increased stress and lack of coping mechanisms.

Furthermore, children who are rejected by their peers lose the opportunity to develop important social skills, which further hinders their emotional and social development.

Dr. Alexandra Stratyner, a psychologist from New York, emphasized the danger of isolating children from their friends.

“The potential consequences of social isolation for behavioral problems are unintended and unfortunate. Social relationships, especially friendships, are essential for a child’s emotional and social development,” she said Newsweek.

Stratyner explained that friendships play a key role in identity formation and social learning during adolescence: “The punishment of banning friendships as a form of discipline can easily backfire because peer relationships—especially during adolescence—are a source of identity, attachment, and social learning. When these bonds are severed, kids can become isolated, which can result in increased frustration and misbehavior,” she said.

Stratyner advises parents to focus on building strong relationships with their children rather than interfering with friendships.

“Parents would benefit from focusing primarily on the relationship with their child/teen when raising children, because the support and opportunity to teach and model family system values ​​are more effective in leading children toward healthier pastimes and friendships,” she said.

The study also recommended providing children with opportunities to socialise with peers in supervised, constructive settings, such as clubs or adult-sponsored activities, which allows children to form friendships while minimising the risk of delinquent behaviour.

References

Kaniušonytė G, Laursen B. Mothers’ dissatisfaction with friends in response to children’s behavior problems harms peer status in pre- and early adolescence. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2024; First published online: September 4, 2024 doi: 10.1111/jcpp.14043.