People Who Avoid These 5 Common Habits Live the Most Satisfying Lives

Our world is fascinated by productivity. It seems that it’s not enough to be good at your job, you also have to be a great tennis player, a perfect parent, and a loving partner. To do all of this, we multitask. The problem? Multitasking doesn’t work. That’s why successful people avoid the most common flaws of multitasking.

Former Taoist monk Dr. Pedram Shojai should know. As a bestselling author, Qigong master, husband, and father, he says the urge to multitask is strong, even for him. Kicking off at The Relationship Fitness Summit, Dr. Shojai explains what he does instead.

The Relationship Fitness Summit, hosted by YourTango CEO Andrea Miller, is a free, all-virtual event taking place September 25-28 where you can learn everything you need to know to bring your best self to your relationship.

Five Common Habits That Truly Happy and Successful People Avoid

So what do these successful people who are happy and fulfilled in all areas of their lives do differently? First, most of them refuse to do these five things.

1. They will not focus on more than one large project at a time

“There’s an absolute farce around this concept of multitasking. It’s complete nonsense,” Dr. Shojai begins.

And this nonsense is why successful people never divide their attention when it comes to important projects. Unlike most of us, successful people understand that the key to good work is individual focus.

That’s why they’re so selective about what they focus on. They actively measure what is and isn’t worth their time.

Marco Ceron via Shutterstock

2. They won’t try to sneak work into a date or couple time

Not getting your work done on time can cause anxiety, and in today’s society where everything is always connected, work can seem like an impossible task. Never done. Because of this, you may feel the need to sneak in a task when you should be spending time with your partner.

This is a big no-no in the eyes of a successful person who understands that the key to a successful relationship is being good to the other person and spending time with those who are good for your mental health. This simply cannot happen if you are not fully present with your partner.

Dr. Shojai admits that he had to learn to distract himself from something else. He explained, “So I really became a big advocate of bringing my attention and focus back to my forehead so that I could refocus it on my life priorities.”

According to researchers from Southern Methodist University and Michigan State, data shows that when we spend time with our loved ones, our overall well-being increases. Another reason to be present and connected with our partners!

3. They will never check social media while being active parents

The worst thing you can do as a parent is to be on your phone all day. Understand that time with your child is not unlimited and you need to make the most of it. Not only will they grow up before you know it, but they need our undivided, direct attention to develop healthy self-esteem.

In addition, constantly checking your phone is a bad habit that can be passed on to your children. Research from Korea found that parents who check their phones frequently have children who are more likely to copy this bad habit and can negatively affect their offline behavior.

Moreover, the Center for Child Development at Harvard University emphasizes that constant neglect of a child leads to a number of consequences for his physical and mental health.

While we may think that scrolling or working on devices while spending time with our kids is harmless, this habit can have more disastrous consequences than we would like to believe.

Kleber Cordeiro via Shutterstock

4. They won’t let distractions break their concentration

Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you will never avoid distractions in your daily life. It is common knowledge that distractions are a simple part of life. However, unlike most successful people, they do not let distractions consume their lives—they learn to manage them. Meditation can help.

Dr. Shojai admits that he is a busy person who “does more than the average bear.” He continues, “And I can say that I am bad at multitasking. But I am excellent at focusing on one thing at a time.”

So if you struggle with distractions, the best way to control them is to treat them as a distracting thought during meditation. It can be helpful to ask yourself, “Who is controlling my attention?” Because, as Dr. Shojai explains, “If not, you’re done for.”

Next, you’ll want to observe the distraction, label it as such, and simply let it pass—without judgment, of course! There are many guided meditations that can help you practice this. Over time, you’ll get better at paying attention.

It’s also important to understand the difference between a distraction and a need. For example, getting up to go for a walk after a busy brainstorming session at work isn’t a distraction—it’s a mental health need. Eating healthy foods when you’re hungry is a need, not a distraction. So hydrate, move, and build it into your focused schedule.

5. They won’t let pain or fear stop them from being honest with the people they care about.

Holding on to a grudge or ruminating is not a distraction, even though both stem from the same source — an inability to live in the present.

But it’s hard to blame when you look at our culture. Most people were created to be hungry ghosts.

“Where the Buddha calls us hungry ghosts,” Dr. Shojai explains. “The Buddha said that people who are stuck in aversions and desires are hungry ghosts.”

“(This) means they look outside themselves for solutions, instead of knowing that the true transition to mastery occurs within themselves.”

And that growth, that mastery, is stunted when we allow fear to keep us from being open with those we care about—and most importantly, with ourselves.

Lightfield Studios via Shutterstock

For more helpful insights from Dr. Shojai and many others, including Marianne Williamson, Dr. Laura Berman, Terry Real, Jenn Lim, Dr. Judy Ho, Dr. Harville Hendrix, and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, join free relationship fitness summitSeptember 25-28, where you will have the opportunity to learn:

Tools, skills and strategies that will improve your relationships in all key areas of your life. Whether it’s your work life, family life, friendships, love life or your relationship with yourself.
We learn to listen carefully, take responsibility, and develop curiosity to build exceptional relationships.
Understanding that strength lies in the health of a relationship, which is the key to happiness, longevity, health, emotional well-being, and even financial prosperity.
…and much more!

Everything is free and registration is already open!

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a BA in psychology who writes about self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.