Jessica Miller: “At 22, I was called an ‘old model,’ which was nice for my self-esteem” | Culture

“Getting old is a gift,” says Jessica Miller, reflecting on what it means to still be a model at age 40, after working for brands like Chanel and Marc Jacobs.

Miller – born in Las Vegas, Nevada – is the face of Chloé’s New Era, led by new creative director Chemena Kamali. It’s an opportunity he considers one of the greatest honors of his career.

When the agency asks her for the latest photos, she has extra help at home: her husband, Lars Ulrich, drummer and co-founder of the iconic heavy metal band Metallica, who takes the photos.

“I’ve never felt this with anyone before, not even my family: it’s unconditional love. He took the ferry here yesterday and brought all my bags… He’s the sweetest man in the world! We have been married for almost 10 years and now I love him even more because we have been through a lot – she says with a twinkle in her eyes.

Question. You just turned 40 and you still work for fashion giants. Do you feel like you are an exception or is this an increasingly common occurrence?

Answer. At the age of 22, I was called an “old model”, which was nice for my self-esteem… I would say that now that I’m older, I like the fashion industry a lot more because I feel more and more confident. I know I’m lucky to have this job, but it’s not as easy as people think. At the age of 14, I had to learn to travel constantly and work with new people every day, so it was hard for me to appreciate the creativity of the job and clothes because I had a hard time adjusting to the logistics of being a model and having the right tools to deal with it emotionally. I now see how blessed I am and know how to deal with the ups and downs in a healthier way.

Q At 22 you were called an “old model”, but before that you were called “fat”…

AND. This is something I still struggle with a bit. When the #MeToo movement began, I was often asked about stories of harassment, but the truth is that I only encountered bad stories involving women. When I was 16, in Paris, a stylist told me straight to my face: “You’re fat.” I feel like this movement is making the fashion industry nicer. For example, I’ve noticed that models celebrate each other a lot more now, which is something I didn’t experience in my 20s. But we are human, so we will always be terrible to each other.

Q After hearing phrases like these, do you have a healthy relationship with food?

AND. This is definitely something I struggle with, as do most women. I was wearing something particularly tight for this photo shoot and I realized that if I had been faced with this situation 10 years ago, I would have been very nervous. When I became vegan, I gained weight from eating fake burgers, which have no cholesterol but are high in fat, and it wasn’t until I started therapy that I realized I had to eat what really made me feel better. I used to go to the gym every day, but I didn’t like it. Now I feel fit and healthy. When I exercise, I don’t think about calories. I don’t train anymore: I move. It’s not a fight anymore. I used to torture myself, but now everything seems easier.

Q Does old age bother you?

AND. No, and I thought that would be the case. I was happy to turn 40 in February. I love my job, my husband, my family… There are so many reasons to be grateful that I don’t worry about age because getting older is a journey. I haven’t felt this way before, so I think it’s because of the work I did in therapy. Now I know how to set boundaries. Plus, I think the fashion industry is starting to celebrate age.

Q Do you think diversity is more of a marketing tool?

AND. I’ve never seen diversity in the fashion world when it comes to sizes. Although fortunately there are models in different sizes now, I don’t think anyone can gain weight whenever they want. I don’t really know if I would work as much as I do now if I gained five kilos. While I have to applaud the way the industry is starting to celebrate age, I think there’s still a long way to go when it comes to weight.

Q Did you feel the pressure of being the first model to sign an exclusive contract with Calvin Klein after Kate Moss?

AND. I remember riding the subway and knowing my life was going to change. I felt like what I had worked for had finally paid off. It was an iconic campaign. My dad always thought modeling was pointless, but when I signed the contract and the article came out New York Timeshe said, “Now you have a real job!” Inez and Vinoodh, who I now consider my aunt and uncle, were photographers, and working with them I learned how to model. I also worked with choreographer Stephen Galloway during the shoot and really got into my body. It put extra pressure on my career, so the highs and lows were much higher and much lower, but I feel like those commercials really got into my body and taught me how to be a good model.

Q How did it feel to go to your first Metallica concert when you were 12?

AND. My mother took me to the concert because I was a big fan of the band, and since we were far from the stage, we had binoculars. My friends and I loved Metallica, which is crazy when you look back on it from the present. Every now and then I watch my husband having fun and think, “What the hell is going on here? I was a fan of the band!” I spent every day of my 13-year-old life listening Puppet Master album. There are times when I watch them having fun and ask, “Did I marry Lars?”

Q But it wasn’t love at first sight, was it?

AND. We were in a relationship! We were friends. I remember always being shocked by how nice he was, but I was very much in love with my boyfriend. I met Lars at a concert when I was still single. He appeared out of nowhere, walked towards me and I saw him in a different way. He’s an amazing partner.

Q Would he say you are his muse – quite a controversial term?

AND. I’ve never heard him say that. I think we balance each other out. He wakes up and can make calls, and I need to drink coffee and clear my head. Even though we are opposites, we balance each other out, and when things get crazy, he helps me see things from a different perspective. I’ve heard him say something similar from a business or creative standpoint, but I’ve yet to hear him say I’m his muse… I’ll have to ask him!

Q Why do you think models date musicians so often?

AND. I can’t imagine dating someone who doesn’t travel for work or has the ability to work in remote locations because it’s difficult. I think understanding each other’s schedules is essential. Travel is amazing; we are both committed to our jobs and we realize that when we travel, we travel for work, but I think it can be difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is waiting for you at home. I can imagine how stressed this person might be when they think about what the other person is doing. Lars and I have always understood each other because the nature of our work is similar in some respects.

Q You say that your parents had addiction problems, but you always speak positively about your childhood. Why?

AND. They both tried to do their best and fortunately no abuse occurred, but they were not always present. I have an older sister and a younger sister, so we were always together. One time my father was driving under the influence and we were driving with him. The police stopped us, and since our mother was away, we were sent to an orphanage for two nights. I always knew they loved us, and now I feel sorry for them. When we couldn’t wake up dad because he drank too much, we had each other. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go through this alone. My father had a liver transplant in 2010 and I put my life on hold for a year. He has more energy than anyone right now.

Q And then you became interested in fashion, where addictions are common, and you ended up becoming a musician…

AND. With so much traveling and meeting so many people every day, alcohol being everywhere has become an easy tool to get out of it all. Drinking became an excuse and although I would never have counted on Covid, it happened at a point when I was tired of self-medicating. I knew I didn’t want to drink this way. I struggled with alcohol and in 2020 I started going to therapy. There was a point where I was seeing three different therapists at the same time. With the one I saw every day, and still see to this day, I felt I needed another specialist to delve deeper into the traumas and help me feel them in my body, and then I found a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) therapist with whom I analyzed how I communicated with people and who helped me have healthy conversations.

Q You are a board member of the Animal Place shelter for farm animals. Do you think the world will go vegan?

AND. I volunteered with them seven years ago and they changed my life. Having the opportunity to work with farm animals helped me understand people in a more organic way. I feel like I’m nicer and more willing to listen. Vegans will kill me for saying this, but I don’t think we’re meant to be vegan. I wonder if the climate situation will force us to stop raising livestock. I’m completely vegan and don’t buy leather, but if I was in the middle of nowhere and starving, I’d eat meat. We are built to survive. I never said I was a perfect vegan and if I didn’t want to wear leather in photos, I probably wouldn’t work. I love my job very much and I believe that I do it to the best of my ability.

Q What do you think about Chemena Kamala’s work at Chloé?

AND. Her passion is contagious. After her first appearance at the helm of the brand last February, she and her team burst into tears of joy, something I’ve never seen before in my career. This says a lot about what Chemen feels and evokes. When I wear her designs, I feel like I’m part of something personal.

Team

Model Jessica Miller (Madrid’s next manager)

Stylization Juan Cebrian

Makeup Manuela Pane (Kasteel art direction) for Dior

Hair Jordi Fontanals (Ana Prado) for Aveda and GHD

Production Christina Serrano

Digital assistant Lorenzo’s profile

Photography assistants Marta Paba and Anna Pérez

Styling assistant Diego Serna

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