14 therapist-approved tips for overcoming disappointment

Disappointment hurts, but there’s nothing wrong with feeling your feelings

Disappointment is a normal part of life and something we are constantly told we will have to endure, but we don’t always realize how mentally crushing it really can be. One day I made a serious mistake at work and for the next two days I felt a horrible feeling in my stomach. My sleep was restless for days. In this case, the disappointment was within me, but there are so many variations to this experience.

Disappointment may be related to work, disappointment in a relationship or a bad date, or disappointment that occurs in the normal course of everyday life. Either way, disappointment is one of the most natural human emotions that many people find difficult to cope with.

“As a therapist, I understand that disappointment can be challenging for many people because it is often tied to deeper feelings of inadequacy, loss, and unmet expectations,” says Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder and CEO of Meridian Counseling .

It’s important to find ways to deal with this feeling because if you don’t address it, it can escalate and lead to bigger mental health problems. “Disappointment can shake our sense of control and trigger emotional responses that can lead to anxiety, anger, or sadness,” Kushnir says.

In this article, we will look at disappointment and why it is so important to address it. Next, we’ll share a detailed list of therapist-approved tips for dealing with disappointment when it comes.

Related: The trap of expectations and reality

Healthy ways to deal with disappointment

If there’s any consolation here, it’s that if you’re struggling with a lot of disappointment, you’re not alone. “Disappointment is common to everyone, whether personally, professionally, or in social situations” – April Crowe, LCSW, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Paramount Wellness Retreat. “It’s something most people have to live with despite its overwhelming and demotivating nature.”

However, this is not something that should last too long and we do not want disappointment to become our identity. One of the best ways to deal with disappointment is to name it. “By naming our disappointments, we allow ourselves to look inside ourselves and find the source of these feelings, which is how a person begins to heal,” Crowe says.

Additionally, Crowe recommends talking to friends, family members, or professionals when you need perspective on your disappointment or comfort during a difficult time. But having a plan for dealing with disappointment is also key.

“By naming our disappointments, we allow ourselves to look inside ourselves and find the source of these feelings, which is how a person begins to heal.”

April Crowe, LCSW

“Well-organized strategies help alleviate feelings of disappointment, and positive thoughts can turn disappointment into a drive to improve in all areas,” Crowe says.

Without further ado, let’s look at some tips for dealing with disappointment in three main contexts: at work, in relationships, and in everyday life.

Related: Overcoming Resentment in Relationships

At work

In the workplace, disappointment “may come from unachieved career goals, lack of advancement, or feeling unappreciated,” Kushnir says. Here are some tips on how to deal with disappointment at work.

Acknowledge the emotion

First of all, you shouldn’t try to push away your feelings if you’re struggling with disappointment at work. “Instead of suppressing disappointment, recognize how you feel,” Kushnir says. Consider sharing your feelings with a friend, spouse, or trusted colleague.

Set reasonable expectations

One of the best ways to mitigate disappointment at work is to set reasonable expectations, Crowe says. “Setting goals is necessary, but setting unattainable goals or setting unreasonable expectations leads to disappointment,” he explains. “That’s why it’s ideal to set reasonable goals and celebrate small achievements along the way.”

Search for opinions

It may take some time before you’re ready – and definitely give yourself time to calm down and prepare – but if you’ve made a mistake or received negative feedback, it’s a good idea to reach out to your colleagues to find out how to handle it. learn from what happened and move on. “Engage in open communication with your manager or colleagues to understand how you can better meet expectations, which can help redirect frustration into constructive action,” suggests Kushnir.

See Bounce as redirect

One of the biggest disappointments at work is losing your job. Turning that rejection into an opportunity for growth can be a game-changer, says Dr. Michelle Beaupre, LCSW clinical social worker, therapist and clinical director at Villa Oasis. “I love passing this tip on to my clients,” he says. “Maybe this job or this opportunity wasn’t meant for you, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something better waiting for you in the future. When you change your perspective, you will begin to see disappointment as an opportunity for something new and better.

Take comfort in yourself too

Disappointment can trigger many great feelings. You can reassure yourself that you may feel upset and frustrated, Beaupre recommends. “Take some time to acknowledge these emotions, whether it’s talking to a friend, journaling, or engaging in self-care activities,” she recommends. “Just remember not to dwell too much on your disappointment and find a way to redirect your energy towards something positive.”

Related: How to be successful in achieving your goals

In your relationship

When it comes to relationships, disappointment often comes from unmet needs or expectations, Kushnir says. Here are some tips on how to navigate it.

Communicate openly

Communication is key and should be done as soon as possible when you feel disappointed in your relationship. “Share your feelings with your partner without blaming them,” Kushnir recommends. “Honest conversations about needs and expectations are the key to mutual understanding.”

Share your feelings assertively

When you share your feelings of disappointment with your spouse or loved one, you want to focus on sharing them as clearly as possible. Don’t beat around the bush or try to soothe your feelings. “If you assertively express your feelings and needs, you can avoid any possible misconceptions or other such conflicts,” Crowe says.

Set realistic expectations

Often, our disappointments in relationships come from unrealistic expectations of what our partner should be like or what our relationship should be like. “Realize that no partner is perfect, and sometimes disappointment is a reflection of unmet or unrealistic expectations,” suggests Kushnir. Being aware of your expectations and adjusting them when necessary can reduce tension and improve your overall bond, she adds.

Practice empathy

It’s easy to get caught up in the fact that our partners haven’t met our expectations, but a little empathy can go a long way in understanding your partner and allaying feelings of disappointment. “Understand that your partner may have challenges and disappointments,” suggests Kushnir. “Mutual empathy can help strengthen relationships after difficult times.”

Protect your room

It’s important to realize that not all disappointments can be resolved and sometimes they indicate a larger problem in the relationship, Beaupre emphasizes. “If a person consistently disappoints or lets you down, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship and see if it’s worth your time and energy, she says.

Always remember that your peace of mind and happiness are essential and that you should not have people in your life who constantly disappoint you.

Related: Peace of Mind: How to Find and Maintain It

In your everyday life

We don’t always have control over what goes wrong in life. “Everyday disappointments – lost plans and personal setbacks – are inevitable,” says Kushnir. However, there are ways to manage them, which may include some of the strategies below.

Give yourself time to feel, but set some limits

You need to give yourself the gift of “feeling feelings.” It’s totally okay to feel disappointed, Kushnir says, but don’t let it linger for too long. “Give yourself specific time to process your emotions, and then take steps to move on,” she recommends.

Find a healthy outlet for your emotions

“It’s easy to experience disappointment for one reason or another,” Crowe says. “In such cases, it is important to know the appropriate channels through which such feelings can be expressed.” She notes that a healthy outlet for feelings of disappointment is to write down your feelings or talk to a trusted friend or therapist. Physical movement such as yoga can be helpful in regulating emotions and increasing self-esteem.

Commit to self-care

When you find yourself wallowing in feelings of disappointment, it’s a good idea to focus on simple self-care measures to keep yourself grounded, recommends Kushnir. “Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is crucial in times of disappointment,” she emphasizes. What does it look like? “This could mean exercise, meditation, or just taking a break,” suggests Kushnir.

Practice gratitude

“It may sound cliché, but practicing gratitude really helps shift our mindset from focusing on the negative to appreciating the positive,” says Beaupre. She suggests taking time each day to reflect on what went well or appreciate the things you are grateful for. “This will help remind you that there is still good in your life, even in the face of disappointment,” Beaupre explains.

Remember about

Disappointment is an emotion that is difficult to live with. But this experience can ultimately make you stronger if you learn to manage your feelings and see them as opportunities for growth. “When people can deal with disappointment in a healthy way, they gain emotional resilience,” Kushnir says. “The key is to accept that failure is a part of life and use it as motivation to adapt and grow.”

Of course, dealing with disappointment isn’t always something you should do alone. If you need additional support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Read next: 10 healthy ways to deal with failure

Read the original article on Verywell Mind.