Historic numbers of Americans live alone as they age

Author: Judith Graham, KFF Health News

Gerri Norrington, 78, never wanted to be alone when she got old.

However, her first marriage ended in divorce, and her second husband died over 30 years ago. When her five-year relationship ended in 2006, she was left alone – a situation that continues to this day.

“I miss having a companion I can talk to and ask, ‘How was your day?’ or “What do you think about what’s going on in the world?” said Norrington, who lives in a senior apartment building on Chicago’s South Side. Although she has a loving daughter in town, “I don’t want to be a burden to her,” she said.

Norrington is part of a large but often overlooked group: more than 16 million Americans living alone as they age. Surprisingly little is known about their experiences.

This part of the older population has serious health problems: according to KFF’s analysis of 2022 census data, almost 4 in 10 lonely seniors suffer from vision or hearing loss, difficulties in taking care of themselves and living independently, problems with cognitive functions or other disability.

If help is not available at home when needed – an all-too-common problem – loneliness can compound these difficulties and contribute to poor health.

Research shows that lonely seniors are more likely to experience isolation, depression and inactivity, accidents and neglected care. As a result, they are hospitalized more often and die earlier than expected.

Obtaining medical services can be a problem, especially if older adults living alone live in rural areas or do not drive. Experts note that too often health care workers do not ask about the living situation of older people and are not aware of the challenges they face.

Over the past six months, I’ve talked to dozens of older adults who live alone, either by choice or by circumstance—most often the death of a spouse. Some have adult children or other close relatives involved in their lives; many don’t do this.

In long conversations, seniors expressed several typical concerns: How did I end up alone at this point in my life? Am I okay with this? Who can I turn to for help? Who can make decisions on my behalf if I cannot do so? How long will I be able to take care of myself and what happens if I can’t take care of myself anymore?

This “gray revolution” in American living conditions is being driven by longer life expectancies, rising divorce and childlessness rates, smaller families, the geographic dispersion of family members, an emphasis on aging in place, and a preference for what Eric Klinenberg, a specialist professor of sociology at New York University calls “distance intimacy” – being close to family, but not too close.

The most reliable and up-to-date data on older adults living alone comes from the U.S. Census Bureau. According to the 2023 Current Population Survey, approximately 28% of people aged 65 and older live alone, including just under 6 million men and just over 10 million women. (This number does not include seniors living in care facilities, mainly nursing homes and assisted living facilities).

By comparison, in 1950, 1 in 10 older Americans lived alone.

This is primarily a problem for older women because women live longer than men and are less likely to remarry after widowhood or divorce. Twenty-seven percent of women aged 65 to 74 live alone, compared with 21% of men. After the age of 75, an astonishing 43% of women live alone, compared to just 24% of men.

According to KFF’s analysis of 2022 census data, the majority – 80% – of people over 65 living alone are divorced or widowed, which is twice the proportion of the general population. More than 20% have incomes below $13,590, the 2022 federal poverty line, while 27% earn between that and $27,180, or twice the poverty level.

Of course, their experiences differ significantly. How older people living alone cope depends on their financial status, where they live, their network of friends and family members, and the resources of the communities in which they live.

Attitudes can matter. Many older people want independence, while others feel abandoned. Loneliness comes and goes, even among people who have caring friends and family members.

“I like being alone more than being in relationships,” said Janice Chavez of Denver, who says she is in her 70s. “I don’t have to ask anyone for anything. If I want to sleep late, I sleep late. If I want to stay up and watch TV, I can do that. I do everything I want. I love independence and freedom.”

Chavez was divorced twice and single since 1985. As a girl, she wanted to get married and have lots of children, but “I chose jerks,” she said. He talks to his daughter Tracy every day and has contact with several of his neighbors. She lives in the house where she grew up, inherited from her mother in 1991. Her only sibling, a brother, died several years ago.

In Chicago, Norrington is debating whether to stay in her older building or move to the suburbs after her car was vandalized this year. “Since the pandemic, fear has almost paralyzed me and I can’t leave the house as often as I would like,” she told me.

He is a responsible person and deeply involved in his community. In 2016, Norrington founded an organization for single black seniors in Chicago that sponsored speed dating events and monthly social gatherings for several years. She volunteered at a local medical center, helping seniors and organizing health and wellness classes in their building. She organized cruises for friends and acquaintances to the Caribbean and Hawaii in 2022 and 2023.

Now every morning, Norrington sends spiritual text messages to 40 people, who often respond with messages of their own. “It makes me feel less alone and included,” she said.

In Maine, Ken Elliott, 77, a retired psychology professor, lives alone in a house in Mount Vernon, a town of 1,700 people 20 miles northwest of the state capital. He has never married and has no children. His only living relative is his 80-year-old brother from California.

Ken Elliott, a retired psychology professor, lives alone in a house in Mount Vernon, Maine. His only living relative is a brother in California. Elliott is wondering how to assemble a team of people to help him age in place. “Getting older without the mythical family support system that everyone assumes is difficult for everyone,” Elliott says. (Ken Elliott/KFF Health News/TNS)

For several years, Elliott has tried to raise the profile of older adults among Maine policymakers and seniors organizations. It started when Elliott started asking about resources available for older people like himself who live alone. How did they get to medical appointments? Who helped when they came back from the hospital and needed help? What if they needed extra help at home but couldn’t afford it?

To Elliott’s surprise, he discovered that this group was not on anyone’s radar and he began advocating for older adults on his own.

Now Elliott is wondering how to create a team of people who will help him as he ages and how to build a stronger sense of community. “Getting older without the mythical family support system that everyone assumes is difficult for everyone,” Elliott said.

In Manhattan, Lester Shane, 72, who has never married or had children, lives alone in an 11-by-14-foot studio apartment on the third floor of a building without an elevator. He hasn’t made much money during his long career as an actor, writer and theater director, and he’s not sure how he’ll make ends meet once he stops teaching at Pace University.

“There are days when I’m carrying groceries three flights of stairs and I’m like, ‘This is really hard,’” Shane told me. Even though his health is relatively good, he knows it won’t last forever.

“I’m on all the senior housing lists – all the lotteries. Most people I talked to said you’d probably die before your number came out,” he said with biting humor.

Then Shane became serious. “I am old and getting older, and the problems I have now will only get worse,” he said. As with many older people who live alone, his friends are getting older and have their own problems.

Shane admitted that the prospect of having no one to turn to was unsettling: “There’s fear underneath.”

Kate Shulamit Fagan (80) has lived alone since 1979, after two divorces. “I never intended to live alone,” she told me during a long phone conversation. “I expected to meet someone, start another relationship and somehow drift off into the rest of my life. It was extremely difficult to let go of that expectation.”

When I first talked to Fagan in mid-March, she was having a hard time in Philadelphia, where she had moved two years earlier to be close to one of her sons. “I’ve been feeling really lonely lately,” she told me, describing how difficult it was for me to adjust to my new life in a new place. Although her son was attentive, Fagan desperately missed the close circle of friends she had left in St. Petersburg, Florida, where she lived and worked for 30 years.

When I called Fagan again four and a half months later, she had returned to St. Petersburg and was renting a two-room apartment in a townhouse for seniors in the city center. She celebrated her birthday there with 10 close friends and met people in her building. “I’m not completely calmed down yet, but I feel fantastic,” she told me.

What caused the change? “Here I know that if I wanted to go out or needed help, a lot of people would help me,” Fagan said. “The fear is gone.”

As I explore the lives of older adults living alone over the next few months, I’d love to hear from people who find themselves in this situation. If you would like to share your stories, please send them to [email protected].

KFF Health News is a national newsroom dedicated to broadly understood journalism about health issues and is one of the main operational programs of KFF – an independent source of health policy research, polls and journalism.