Grandpa shares three agreements couples should make to save their relationship

A wise grandfather shares his secrets to building a lasting and meaningful relationship.

His sage advice explained in detail that it takes effort on both sides, active listening, and a little sacrifice from time to time.

He should know – he was married long before some of us were born and has experienced all the ups and downs that come with relationships.

Grandpa revealed three “agreements” couples should make to save their relationship:

1. Always take the patient’s pain seriously

Let’s say your partner is upset because you ate the last ice cream sandwich in the freezer. While anger may seem silly and insignificant, there is usually a deeper reason that explains why they reacted the way they did.

Whenever your partner reacts, you should always try to validate their pain, regardless of your own feelings on the matter.

“I know eating that last ice cream sandwich upset you; I’d be nervous too.

Even if it’s something you would never get upset about, reassure your partner that their feelings are valid and that you care.

“Even though it may be silly, the more you validate his (your partner’s) emotions, the more he trusts you… and that leads to a healthy relationship,” said relationship coach Sadia Khan on an episode of the Lucid Podcast.

Your partner should feel safe with you. One of the best ways to do this is to validate their emotions and acknowledge how they feel, without ridiculing them or making them feel like their worries are irrelevant.

2. Help each other see when you are falling into destructive patterns

Whether it’s eating fast food frequently instead of cooking dinner or snapping at yourself over a minor disagreement, it’s important that you hold yourself and your partner accountable when you fall into toxic habits that could potentially harm your relationship.

It’s easy to feel like your partner is attacking you or trying to pick a fight when he or she asks you to correct certain behavioral habits that may be problematic. However, they may simply be trying to help you break toxic habits for the good of the relationship and themselves.

When it comes to breaking destructive patterns with a partner, Psychology Today introduces the mantra: “See the pattern as the enemy, not each other.”

Work together to overcome and break the habits that are harming your relationship. Put aside any resentment towards your partner. Take responsibility and be ready to work for change.

Mladen Mitrinović | Shutterstock

If you’re eating too much fast food during the week, set aside date nights where you and your partner take turns choosing recipes to cook together.

If every disagreement ends in shouting, take a few moments to regroup and calmly organize your thoughts before returning to the discussion.

Breaking destructive habits won’t be easy, but it will certainly have a positive impact on your relationship.

3. Stop hiding what’s bothering you

While it may be difficult, communicating with your partner about what’s bothering you is crucial if you want the relationship to last.

Let’s say you’re concerned about their sloppy habits and refusal to wash the dishes or clean the living room. At first, you may not want to say anything to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings or getting into an argument.

However, your repressed emotions will only lead to resentment towards your partner – which is unfair to him because he is not even aware of what he is doing to irritate you.

If you want your relationship to improve, give your partner the opportunity to change the behaviors or habits that are bothering you.

Life coach Sonia Zarbatany advises how best to broach this topic with your partner without it turning into a heated argument.

“First of all, don’t come in when it’s hot. When people are angry or screaming, it’s just not the right time,” she said in a TikTok video.

“Second, use “I” instead of “you.” Stop blaming the other person and take responsibility for your feelings, your actions and the way you perceive the situation,” she advised.

Zarbatany suggests that after raising a conflict, give your partner a chance to explain himself and give him a voice to share his own feelings.

As cliché as it may sound, honesty is the best policy, and if you love your partner enough and want your relationship to last, you owe it to them.

Relationships aren’t easy. It takes work, patience and a lot of willpower to maintain them. Not every day will be filled with hugs, kisses and “I love you”.

Some days will be filled with difficult conversations, hurt feelings, and tears.

The sooner people understand that a relationship shouldn’t look like an affair, the longer it will last.

Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango covering entertainment and news, self, love and relationships.