In 2024, at least 9 people died as a result of domestic violence in Dallas. Here’s how to help

Jan Langbein is the executive director of Genesis Women’s Shelter and Support, where she has worked to end violence against women for over 30 years.

Related:A look at the six domestic violence deaths in Dallas this year

Under her leadership, the Dallas-based organization has grown from a seven-room emergency shelter to a full-service domestic violence shelter, making it one of the few survivor assistance programs to be sustainable without government funding, according to the shelter’s website . . Resources offered include transitional housing, day care, on-site school, access to civil legal representation, job readiness programming and counseling.

While 1 in 4 women in the U.S. will experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime, Langbein said the statistic increases to 1 in 3 in Texas. Police statistics show that in 2024, more than 6,600 crimes involving intimate partners. Nine of them ended in death.

In honor of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, “Dallas Morning News.” spoke with Langbein about escalating violence, the intersection of domestic violence and gun violence, how to recognize warning signs and the best ways to help someone in need. This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.

What do you think the community should understand about escalation in domestic violence cases?

One of the biggest misconceptions that we try to educate our community about is what domestic violence is. While physical violence is a commonly considered form of violence, it is much more than just a slap or a shove. Financial, verbal, emotional, spiritual and even sexual abuse occurs in religious communities. The common denominator of all forms of violence is the perpetrator’s goal, which is to exercise power and control over another person. These other forms of violence can be equally dangerous because they may occur early, may be too subtle to notice, and may not leave any visible scars (even though they certainly leave invisible scars). What we see in abusive relationships is called the cycle of violence – a phase of building tension in which the woman may feel like she’s walking on eggshells, escalating violence as the perpetrator attacks with the weapon of his choice, whether or not these are words, fists or firearms. and the honeymoon phase, during which promises are made and everything seemingly calms down. Unfortunately, in this cycle of violence we are also seeing an increase in escalation. The first time the perpetrator may verbally abuse his victim, but the fourth time it turned into a slap, and in some cases it could turn into murder.

What makes these cases different from other homicides is that what happened to her was not a random stranger or a freak accident, but a continuous cycle of violence from someone she probably loved and trusted. Each incident of violence was a crack in the relationship, followed by a glimmer of hope that it would change.

More than 89% of this year’s homicides in Dallas were the result of gun violence. You’ve talked before about how domestic violence often intersects with gun violence in ways the public may not realize. How do you explain this overlap?

It’s not just about assuming there is a link between gun violence and domestic violence. There are statistics showing how dangerous this intersection can be. The presence of a firearm in an intimate partner relationship increases the risk of homicide by at least 500%, and approximately two-thirds of intimate partner deaths occur due to firearms. There is even a link between domestic violence and mass shootings. In at least 46% of mass shootings between 2015 and 2022, the perpetrator shot a close partner (current or former) or family member as part of the violence.

If we truly want to create safer homes and safer communities, we must review who has access to firearms and limit access when abuse occurs. If someone has a tendency to violence and finds himself in a circle of violence, it can be very dangerous not only for other household members, but also for law enforcement agencies responding to calls, loved ones and the general public.

For awareness to extend beyond October, what does it mean to care for those around us, especially when the spectrum of violence is so wide?

If we truly want to see a change in domestic violence-related crimes and homicides, it is imperative that we all have uncomfortable conversations about how we can all be part of that change. This might look like talking to our children and teens about what safe and healthy relationships look like to help prevent teen dating violence. This may look like men taking an active role in the conversation and setting a standard of zero tolerance in their community. This may look like understanding the warning signs of potential abuse. These symptoms can vary depending on the type of abuse, but if she seems afraid to go against what her partner says, doesn’t have a bank account in her own name, or is losing her sense of faith, all of these symptoms can be examples of red flags in relationships.

How difficult can it be for women in these situations to seek and accept help?

I am constantly impressed by every woman who decides to contact us. There are so many obstacles to seeking help: you may not know help exists, you may be undocumented, you may not have your own resources, or you may have children involved that make leaving home seem insurmountable, and many other factors . Fear for her life may unfortunately be a very real and present obstacle to getting help. In fact, one of the most dangerous moments in a survivor’s life is when they try to leave their partner.

Many people may also experience complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression or anxiety due to the effects of the violence because the perpetrator has instilled in them the belief that there is no hope and no one will believe them. For a woman to endure the trauma of abuse and still take the brave step to reach out deserves respect and compassion from our community.

What advice do you have for someone who wants to intervene in a case they believe is domestic violence?

Intervening can be a dangerous step for a third party to take when it comes to domestic violence, but we want to make sure people know how to respond when a woman is ready to reveal what is happening to her. For people who want to help their friend, we recommend that they believe her, don’t blame her, talk to her about a safety plan, or refer her to places like Genesis that can help her. Most importantly, continue to provide support even if he decides to stay in the relationship, because you never know when he might really need someone in his corner.

At Genesis, we know that harassment won’t stop until perpetrators stop using violence, so it’s extremely important to us to create a social paradigm shift where we stop asking “why doesn’t it go away?” and instead ask “why is he doing this in the first place?” It is important to know that perpetrators of violence rely on isolating and separating their victims from their loved ones so that they can maintain the power and control to which they feel entitled. There can be many reasons why a woman may not feel ready or safe to leave an abusive home, and ultimately she is the expert in her unique situation. When we can stand alongside her and say, “What’s happening to you is not your fault and it’s not okay,” then we can change the conversation about who really should be held accountable.

You can call or text the Dallas-based Genesis Women Shelter’s hotline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for confidential, free assistance at 214.946.HELP (4357).

The National Domestic Violence Helpline also offers free and confidential support 24 hours a day. Call 1-800-799-7233, text “START” to 88788 or visit www.thehotline.org.