The “romantic” gesture that everyone said would ultimately curse our marriage

My husband and I have been in our home for almost eight years. We crawled through the breakup(s) of our previous marriages (while still together, which is probably not the wisest way to start things off).

We survived while raising teenagers and two children (although just barely). Tiny apartment, slightly less tiny apartment, buying a house, buying another house – we won.

What we basically went through was me starting a hospice job, then quitting a hospice job, and then starting the job I have now. We endured it by working outside the home three days a week, literally every week (for almost nine years now).

We managed to overcome the seven-year itch. We even beat the dismal odds for Leo/Scorpio to win.

We persevered. Totally too long. You mean, eight and a half years? NO. It’s time to end this once and for all.

A surefire way to end a marriage? Tattoo each other’s names.

That’s enough. Look, almost half of marriages end in divorce, according to the CDC, and I’m just trying to speed up the process. It’s finally over. I know it’s over because at least three people have told me that if you have your partner’s name tattooed anywhere on your body (especially if it is visible), your relationship will fall apart. Tattoos are nothing new anyway, and statistics from the Pew Research Center indicate that as many as 32% of Americans have tattoos.

Cottonbro studio / Pexels

Wait, when is your marriage going to end? Immediately after leaving the tattoo site, after healing, or after a year?

In the 24 hours since we left the tattoo shop, people have told me they “respect my decision” (as if I had joined some cult?). People have suggested alternative tattoo ideas, but instead of names why don’t you do _____? Many people told me outright that my marriage was over.

Do you hear how absurd you sound? I’m not saying that relationships don’t fall apart; I’m just saying that if this is going to fall apart, it won’t be because his name is tattooed on my arm (or mine is on his).

There are many reasons why relationships break up – cheating, fundamental moral differences, financial problems, extremely stressful circumstances (the death of a child, for example), people being jerks – but tattoos are nowhere on the list of “reasons why people divorce.” “

Vera Arsic / Pexels

Why would you even want to have your partner’s name on your body? Why wouldn’t I do that? I wear a ring. My social media profiles show me as “married” – many of them even include my husband’s name.

I tell people I’m married. My husband is my partner in crime. He is my right hand. My person. Google me. First, autocomplete.

If you want to Google “Joni Edelman’s husband,” you’ll find out that my husband is a programmer at Paypal, has given many public lectures, and is very, very hot.

Either way, I’m not trying to hide the fact that I’m married, so why not plaster his name on my body in permanent ink? Anyway, if tattoos do cause divorce, now I have fodder for my future memories, Tattoos: cause divorce.

Joni EdelmanRN, is the former editor-in-chief of Ravishly and a personal life coach.