75% of women say this daily habit negatively interferes with their relationship

It was many years ago when I got my first BlackBerry, and then my relationship at the time slowly but surely gave way to my relationship with the phone. By the time I switched to my beloved iPhone many years ago, the situation had gotten even worse.

As much as I hate it, my phone is never far from me. I look at it constantly, sometimes for no apparent reason, unless I’m just maniacally scrolling through it like an obsessed woman, or even completely blocking everything my husband says so that I can devote all my attention to the phone.

I won’t even admit how many times I reached for my phone during intimacy just because I received a notification, which is usually some stupid notification that I was tagged in a photo on Facebook or some troll was tweeting vulgarities at my address on Twitter. I’m a product of my generation and sometimes it’s embarrassing.

When it comes to relationships, our smartphones don’t exactly help them. Like me, people get too attached to their phones, and psychologists even call them the “third wheel” for most couples.

A Brigham Young University study found that 75 percent of women in long-term relationships say their smartphones disrupt their relationships and spoil time spent with their partners.

In the same survey, 25 percent admitted to texting during important conversations with partners – I’m guilty of that too, but I always pass it off as “work-related” even though it usually isn’t.

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But all this “technoference,” as scientists call it, is really unhealthy not only for our relationships with other people, but also for our well-being.

Even a technoconference that isn’t happening 24/7 can result in “lower relationship quality, lower life satisfaction, and a higher risk of depression.” Is that reason enough to put your phone away? Research from 2020 indicates that excessive social media use can lead to depression, anxiety, loneliness and suicidal thoughts. However, according to researchers Brandon McDaniel from Pennsylvania State University and Sarah Coyne from Brigham Young University in Utah, the saddest thing about it all is that every time we reach for our phone, we show our partner what we value. more.

Now think: Can you imagine feeling like you’re second only to your partner’s smartphone? Even me, an iPhone-obsessed girl, wouldn’t be too thrilled if some technology knocked me out of the top spot. I guess I’m a hypocrite in this regard.

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If we truly value our relationships, we need to get off our phones.

Coyne suggests putting your phone out of reach, even in another room if necessary, so you can give your best to your partner. The thing is, no matter how much you love your phone, it will never love you back. I can’t even count how many times I begged Siri to tell me she loved me, but she never did.

My husband, on the other hand, keeps repeating this, so all I can do is put my phone in a drawer for an hour or so and really focus on what he has to say. I’m not saying it will be easy, but I’m going to try – starting tomorrow… or next week. Okay, I’ll start next year because I have a feeling I’ll need the phone by the end of this year for no particular reason.

Amanda Chatel is an essayist, lifestyle and intimate health writer focusing on relationships, women’s reproductive rights and mental health. Her name has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others.