The devastating way I found out I wasn’t actually my husband’s wife

Despite being “married” for over twelve years, my husband and I have never bothered to obtain a copy of our marriage certificate. But let me back up. When my husband Wolf and I got married, his uncle, who officiated the wedding, gave us a handwritten marriage certificate so that I could legally change my name before the Canadian government finished processing our marriage registration.

I wanted to change my name, even if some people thought it was outdated. According to statistics published by the Pew Research Center, 3 out of 4 women take their husband’s surname.

However, 12 years later, when I finally decided to legally change the name on my photo ID, the province of British Columbia demanded a copy of my marriage certificate – not just a handwritten one. They needed proof of when, how and why my name was changed from what was on my birth certificate to my new marriage name. Ok good.

We joked that I had to prove that Wolf “owned” me and that we needed to get a copy of my “ownership” documents. Since we were staying on a day trip from the Alberta border, we went to pick up our marriage certificate. It was supposed to be simple. Wolf handed over his photo ID, filled out the form and BOOM, he ordered the certificate.

But it wasn’t because they couldn’t find any record of our marriage. The clerk searched our marriage registration three times and had no bones. She promised to do a more thorough search (something that’s beyond her capabilities) and we’ll hear back in about two weeks.

But if they couldn’t find the marriage certificate, it meant we hadn’t been legally married for the last twelve years.

It’s not uncommon to live with someone and not be married, as statistics from the Pew Research Center show that 59% of people ages 18 to 44 have lived with a partner they were not once married to. We wanted to get married anyway.

My brain began to consider potential legal problems. I had a friend who was declared dead by the government in the 1990s, which was quite a shock to her. Even showing up in person at government offices wasn’t enough to undo it – she had to get a letter from a doctor to prove that yes, she was still alive and not a ghost. I started crying.

Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels

The thought that no, my husband and I were not married, was swirling in my mind.

Some people say, “Marriage is just a piece of paper,” but this puzzle proved that damn, that piece of paper means a lot! Thank God my husband and I have a twisted sense of humor:

Wolf: “Well, we always talked about getting married again. Now we have to.”

I: “If our first wedding didn’t count, you better try harder. Be romantic. This proposal better be a good one.”

Wolf: – Do I have to propose again?

I: “Correct. And after twelve years, you better be convincing. Plus, I’m going to need more jewelry.”

Wolf: “Do you want half of my sandwich?”

I: “I don’t share with men I’m not married to.”

Anastazja Shurayeva / Pexels

After further investigation and involvement of the government’s Vital Statistics office in Alberta, we learned that the registrar had messed up.

She changed our surname to Wolf’s. So luckily we are married. Still. I told Wolf, “I feel like watching it Armageddon again,” and he laughed, suggesting, “Just listen to this song.” This is our wedding song. I’m glad it’s still there and we didn’t miss anything.

Melissa Charles is a freelance writer who has been featured on Scary Mommy, Huffington Post, and more.