Is It Healthy to Forgive Yourself?

From an early age, many of us are encouraged to apologize to those we have hurt. “Say sorry to your brother.” “Apologize to your friend for taking her toy.” And this only continues as we get older. Musicians from John Lennon to Justin Bieber have written hit songs about the importance of saying sorry.

In most of these cases, the focus is on making it right with the person who was wronged. But recent research suggests that this important practice may also have benefits—even physical health benefits—to the person doing the apologizing.

Researchers surveyed 235 students at a large faith-based university in the US The majority were female, and over 98% identified as Christians. These participants were asked to recall the most recent experience where they wronged another person and felt regretful and disappointed in themselves. They were asked if they apologized, and then they completed questions related to their self-forgiveness as well as their mental and physical health in the past week.

Self-forgiveness is defined by the researchers as “willfully abandon(ing) self-resentment and related responses, and . . . endeavor(ing) to respond to oneself based on the moral principle of beneficence.” In other words, recognizing you messed up but giving yourself some grace.

The study found that those who had offered an apology were more likely to forgive themselves. In turn, those who experienced self-forgiveness were also more likely to report both better mental health (in terms of less anger, anxiety, and depression) and better physical health (better sleep and less fatigue). The physical health benefits seemed to be triggered at least in part by the mental health benefits.


As one of the researchers, Jichan Kim of Liberty University, puts it, “If self-forgiveness helps you restore emotional well-being, then it is possible that you will also enjoy benefits in physical well-being.”

Rather, those who offered an apology and forgave themselves seemed just as mentally and physically healthy as those who did not apologize but still forgave themselves. So it seems that while an apology helps to bring about self-forgiveness, we can still benefit from self-forgiveness without one. In a case where we can’t apologize, such as when the other person isn’t in our life anymore or has passed away, it might still be worth working to forgive ourselves.

This study supports other research finding that self-forgiving people have better mental and physical health. These other researchers suggest that forgiving yourself may help alleviate negative emotions such as shame, guilt, and regret, lessening the risk of depression and anxiety while increasing life satisfaction and contributing to better health. When we make the mistakes in our relationships that are bound to occur, practicing self-forgiveness can be an important way we can maintain our relationships while also buffering our own mental and physical health.

The current study is limited in that it cannot show cause and effect, but only that apologies and self-forgiveness seem to go along with better mental and physical health—at least in mostly Christian young adults at one particular university. But it makes sense that it would be beneficial to accept ourselves more fully, despite our mistakes.

As Kim suggests, “By self-forgiving, you are developing a view of yourself as imperfect yet with intrinsic worth that no one can take away from you.”